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Death of a Serial Killer [1]
By KaydieKate
04 August 2008
This will have roughly seven pieces. Very experimental for me. I just heard a soft southern voice in my head one day, and decided I'd listen to him. This is what I got.
[Yes, the way I write is by "listening" to the narrator in my brain. No, I'm not crazy.]

As always, criticism and advice appreciated.

1.
                                       
Nobody will deny that I loved you, Amy. Even when they light me up like a New York City block, or my feet are doing the hangman's jig and the preachers are hollering that another one went to Hell. Even when they take all but my bones to rot in the ground, they cannot take that undeniable fact away. Because when I saw you, Amy, I saw the pieces of my broken life pull together, and I knew you understood me and I was ashamed to stand in your presence because it took a long time for me to fully understand you. But I do. I do now. And, Amy, no matter what them people say about the blackness of my soul--I want you to know that I loved you, in bitterness and loneliness and excruciating joy I did what I had to.

Mama always said there weren't any good in thinking: as God rewards the faithful and the only direction my thoughts need turn is Jesus. She saw the wickedness in me, that dark hole where my intestines should have been; it seemed to suck the life right out of the room wherever I went, the light too.

They tried to save me, the Congregation and all them. They tried to force the Devil out of my soul. Nearly drowned me in the river down by old Mr. Larson’s house.  Ever since he seemed haunted by the happening, and became withered and bent. They said his soul was bending in upon itself, without the Faith to hold it up. He was just about the only one of the people in town who came in my defense. He said he can still hear the screaming at night, when the moon is strangled by the clouds.

I suppose Mama always thought the more pious I acted, the more Bible I learned and the more I prayed, maybe then God would pay attention to me and shine his

Holy Light down from the Heavens. Said I had to work harder than anyone else to earn His Grace, seeing as I was born with this blackness in my heart.

It's not her fault, what I am. Just as it ain’t your fault what happened to those people. I ain’t trying to play the victim--I know well what I did. I’m a killer, plain and simple. I held no grudges towards those people, but I killed them all the same. And I can’t blame anybody for that. Nothing really good ever happened to me in my life, except you Amy, but I can't blame nobody for that either. Didn't pray hard enough, I guess.

I did pray a lot though, when I was younger, but I never asked God for anything. I think that was what everyone else was doing but I wasn't. I figured God knew he made me wrong and there was no sense in trying to fix it, seeing as he would have made me right if he intended me to be so.

But you are an angel, Amy, and I would like to place a request to the God who sent you down to this forsaken steam hole--I would like to see you one more time.

Even a wretch can beg, I suppose.

Reviews

Written by Canadian_Bacon (120 comments posted) 4th August 2008
I hope we get to hear more about his crimes!

Written by Mr_E_Writer (225 comments posted) 4th August 2008
"Even when they take all but my bones to rot in the ground." Would they not bury him whole? 
I believe that skinning before burial is only used on the predator homeworld. 
 
Cheers, 
Eric.

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 4th August 2008
I liked this - some good bits of narrative. Particularly liked "They said his soul was bending in upon itself, without the Faith to hold it up" - Nicely sums up how vindictive religious people can be. 
 
Nick

Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 4th August 2008
Intense. But what I'd would have liked is for you to start with a murder scene maybe - to establish the murderer and his motives or the lack of it. Then launch into the rest of the story. Overall, I like the idea and where it's going, if it is going any further that is.  
 
Regards, 
TT

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 5th August 2008
I thought this worked well, internal monologues are difficult to write as you only have the one [often skewed] POV but you managed to give us a clear picture of this man. 
I liked the way his mind rambled, though it did make for a rather fractured narrative, but tht is how people's minds often work. 
Lots of things were hinted at and we kept getting glimpses of his backstory which I'm guessing will be significant when we find out more about Amy.  
I know it's only chapter one but I could have done with a bit more context to anchor myself in the story. 
I don't think it needed that last line,a bit too poetical in an otherwise realistic narrative IMHO 
cheers 
jane
Great
Written by Hellcat (63 comments posted) 24th August 2008
This was fantastic - actually made me shiver a couple of times! Can't help but empathise with the character. 
 
"that dark hole where my intestines should have been" - Thought maybe 'intestines' should be replaced with 'guts', - kind of broke the illusion for me a little bit. 
 
Out of curiosity what time is the story set? Couldn't help but think it was 'the olden days' what with the mention of the hangman at the start. 
 
Thoroughly enjoyed though :)
Darn it (or damn it, depending if there
Written by zee666 (51 comments posted) 25th September 2008
Okay, a few moments ago i said im a cruel critic, but honestly, there's little to nit-pick here. 
Wording is appropriate, pacing is good. The fact that the guy's talking to someone works well and the way he talks about those that he has killed works well, although it doesn't send a shiver down the spine it is effective and gives a sense that the dude is a real psycho (although i suppose all psycho's aren't killers) 
The way he speaks works well and gives a personal feel also. 
 
I do, however, have one critisiscm; i dislike most things that are sent in this world as we know it, or have known it in the last hundred years or so, so there's that. i wouldn't pick it up and read it to the end simply for this reason but it is really good and I believe others would, as long as it maintains it's awesomeness.

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