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Superb!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
There's not a trace of silliness here, Paula!
I find it an honest and touching piece on the fear of letting go and the possibility of finding dark demons lurking within.
At first I thought the thought starting in line 7, 'But to undress myself . . . ' was unfinished, but then realised it doesn't need 'finishing' - it kind of hangs in the air like an unanswered question (if one imagines a question mark after 'care' in line 8.)
It flows beautifully, and your final stanza is simply a stunner!
'So my fingers breathe out the damage I hold' - a killer line!
And the wonderful irony of 'I want to write a poem today / And I want to do it with ease' is that this is exactly what you have done here!!!!!
Fantastic, Paula - don't you dare shy away from posting your poems due to a misplaced feeling of being 'less eloquent'. You are NOT!
A consumate poet through and through, more like it!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Well if I were a poet this is probably the sort of thing I would aspire to write. But I'm not,and at least now I can leave it to you to say it for all of us lesser mortals who look at poetry and think "Not for me"
Nothing wrong with honesty
jane |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Thankyou so much John and Jane.
I have added the question mark John, I think it reads better now.
I really appreciate your encouragement which from both of you is an even bigger compliment.
It is so much easier to be vulgar and silly than it is to write serious stuff.
Cheers xxx |
Written by briarcroft (38 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Those last two lines--really masterful! You are a poet, absolutely!
Emily |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Thankyou Emily  |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Nicely done, PP.
I'm not sure any of the poets here 'do it with ease.' It just seems that way when they're read.
Phil |
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Great poem, I like this. Very honest, as always, but I think you've really nailed it here. You describe poetry so well I think, my favourite lines :
But To undress myself to the world like that/To the eyes of who won't really care
Thats beautiful. It seems so despairing, in my mind it conjures up an image of someone deperately trying to find an answer to their troubles through poetry, which many do. Yet is it really the answer? Does it remove the "pain"? Or is it simply an outlet for that pain, which in turn, produces something so beautiful. Out of pain comes beauty.
I'm going on a bit I'm sure, yet I like this, I love the self-deprecating humour. Yet there's no need to be, its a good poem lol!
So sad and beautiful, well done |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
thanks Phil and mr soul, thankyou so much x  |
Paula
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
This is good poetry! There are some poems on this site that are of high standard - and yours are always among them. There does seem to be a great irony in that those who do not consider themselves to be poets have been, for me at any rate, responsible for some of my favourite pieces on the site - I'm thinking of Phil's 'Eulogy', Jane's
'Sundays Remembered - By Heart' and several of yours,
Paula - 'Fantasy', 'Egg' are just two of your latest.
The telling lines for me in this piece were the last two of the third stanza - 'Is too broken and tarnished by man' I found very powerful.
Always worth reading, whether smut or straight.
And I can't write with ease either!
Cheers |
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
| Yes, I agree with the others. Well done Paula. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Very good. I liked "out spill" although I might have written it "outspill" if I have been clever enough to think of it, and again, the "undress" line. Sometimes what we write does seem very personal and we have to psych ourselves up to it.
So, Paula, go on, wtire it all down, it's therapeutic, and you do write such good and well-observed stuff that we will certainly not be the people who don't really care. |
Well said, V.
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
This site would be (if I may indulge in alliteration)a poorer place prised of Paula Puncher's profundity plus porn.
Cheers |
Here! Here! V.!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Absolutely! As Veronica says above,
"We will certainly not be the people who don't really care."
This is the point - keep 'em coming!
Profundity + Porn = Perfection!
Respect!
John ! XXX
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Written by Robru (272 comments posted) 5th August 2008 |
Just keep on writing, we do care, even though we are out of sight.
I'll simply reinforce what the others have said. Wonderfulwrite.
Best wishes
Bob |
Write, write and keep writing...
Written by JohnnyD (106 comments posted) 6th August 2008 |
Dear Paula,
Poetry is all about words flowing from the heart with the right emotions at the right time... Your poem reflects all the three aspects...
Fear of rejection by the world has seen most of the individuals living in a cocoon. I am so happy for you have stepped outside the coccon to explore the outside world... yes it is a very beautiful world we have but sadly though... I am sure you know what I am hinting at...
One last thing which I would love to share with you is never fear the world and always remember LIVE LIFE YOUR WAY and do what pleases you...
You are a good poet so never under estimate your creativity.... Keep writing from your heart... that what makes a poet great...
Take care!
Johnny D |
I echo . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 6th August 2008 |
. . . Johnny D.
One thing I would say though . . .
Never expose those parts of you which, if criticised, you could never come to terms with.
Some things are either too 'sacred', or too 'horrific' to share on a website like this.
It is always good to hold the really private things back - I personally am making a bad job of it ( I tend to spew my inner guts).
Never be ashamed Paula - you are a great and respected poet here on GW.
I know it's not a lot, but please take strength from this simple fact.
Cheers!
John XXX |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 6th August 2008 |
Thankyou all for such lovely comments. i am quite stunned at what some of you have written,I have never had such lovely and supportive comments.It is beyond words how grateful I am and how much you guys/girls have helped me.
if I could I would give you all a very big squeeze xxx |
Really Great
Written by kkforever123 (6 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
Great poem! I believe everyone else has said it all. This poem can relate to others nicely and I can almost feel the emotion poured into the poem. Keep on writing I can't wait to see more.
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