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Cara the Greedy Cow - a short story |
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By 1211kellie
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06 August 2008 |
A short story about a cow with a healthy appetite. Any comments good or bad always appreciated.
It was a beautiful sunny day, and standing all alone in the middle of a large and grassy field was a friendly cow whose name was Cara. “Grass is so very nice to eat,” Cara thought, “but I’d like to eat something different today.” So she walked over to the far side of the field, and when she thought no-one was looking she jumped over the fence and landed in Farmer Fred’s fruit and vegetable patch.
Cara saw some small green plants covered in fat and juicy red strawberries. She raced over there and started to eat them. “Mooo," said Cara. "These strawberries are delicious." It wasn’t long before all the strawberries were gone!
Next she saw a row of leaves sticking out of the mud. So off she went again. Cara tugged at the leaves and out popped an orange but muddy carrot. “Mooo," said Cara. These carrots are yummy." It wasn’t long before the row of carrots were gone!
Cara then saw a shimmering greenhouse. So off she went again. Inside she found a plant covered in yellow peppers. “Mooo," said Cara. These peppers are lovely." It wasn’t long before all the peppers were gone!
Next she saw a bush full of pretty pink roses. So off she went again. “Mooo," said Cara. "These roses are tasty." It wasn’t long before all the roses were gone!
Cara then saw a row of green cabbages. “Mooo," said Cara. "These cabbages are scrumptious." It wasn’t long before the row of cabbages were gone!
Next she saw an old tree that was covered in purple plums. “Mooo," said Cara. "These plums are gorgeous." It wasn’t long before all the plums were gone!
Cara’s tummy started to ache; she really had eaten too much. So she jumped back over the fence into her field, and as she lay down to have a rest she opened her mouth and let out an almighty “BURRRRRRRRRP!”
Later that day Farmer Fred brought Cara in to be milked. “Well, I never!” he said in amazement. “I’ve never tasted milk like this before!” And you probably haven’t either, because it tasted of strawberries, carrots, peppers, roses, cabbages and plums! Disgusting!
Do you think Farmer Fred poured this milk on his cereal? I don’t think so! Would you pour it on your cereal?|
Wonderful! Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 6th August 2008 | You write so well, Kellie! Brilliant use of repetition - this could be illustrated really well. One small niggle - the opening few words 'It was a beatiful sunny day . . . ' are a bit cliched. But maybe small children find reassurance in 'positive' cliched phrases? I just think it would grab the attention more to start with something slightly surpring e.g. "[One day] Cara was hungry, but for more than her usual grass. Strange? Not really - Cara was a cow. The sun was shining etc etc" Anyway, much enjoyed - great story! Cheers! John | Thanks John Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 6th August 2008 | I'm glad you picked me up on the opening words. It would do me good to move out of my safety zone and explore new openings to my stories. Also I didn't do my research properly and therefore I have changed the brussels to cabbages to keep within the same season as the other fruit and veg. Anyway, glad you enjoyed it. Kellie | Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 6th August 2008 | | Hello Kellie. My word you do come up with some good ideas for stories for children. I may be quite wrong when I say this, and you, who read stories for younger children may well tell me I am wrong, but I think I would vary the vocabulary a little. Why not say: "Mooo" said Cara (meaning "dear" in Italian) - "Moo - these strawberries are delicious; these carrots are "yummy" (that's a popular word with them); these roses are really tasty etc - to teach children different ways of saying these things. You know what they say when you have finished a story? "Again, again" - but the next time you read it you could stop before the adjective and just give the first letter. "Moo" said Cara "these strawberries are del ------ and, like I do with the rhyming words, make it into a little game to encourage them to try new words. Then the parents can say to them at breakfast: "How's your bacon - yummy? delicious or tasty? | Thanks Josie Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 6th August 2008 | Good point, I think I shall use this suggestion and edit accordingly. Kellie |
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