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Poetry
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This child
By punchy
07 August 2008

I wrote this a few months back but didn't think it up to GW standards but what the hell I'll post it anyway. Bring it on!

 I think I was inspired by a James Morrison song "this boy".


This child, she hurts, she's torn inside
The pain of what she has to hide
This child, she cries , but no one sees
Outside she smiles but just to please

This child, she knows who took her youth
But noone ever knew the truth
This child, can't take the pain away
So how to face a better day?

This child, she lives inside a shroud
To show her skin is not allowed
This child, she spends her days asleep
The secrets kept they make her weak
 
This child, she needs a loving hold
Someone who'll care until she's old
This child, she has to let it go
To hold it in the hurt will grow

This child, she is a child no more
But feels the child she was before
This child, she needs the space to be
The space she didn't get at three

This child, denies herself, her pain
She feels that she deserves this shame
This child, she knows how she is worn
And now her adult self should mourn

Reviews
This child . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th August 2008
. . . loves the child in you, as it were. 
 
I don't know the song I'm afraid, but no matter! 
 
A superb poem of sadness and hurt, and the repetition of 'This child' (X 12!) plus one solitary 'the child' and a solitary 'a child' really works, where in a lesser poem it would appear clumsy. 
 
A sadly recurring theme for you Paula - I hope it helps to write? I find sometimes creating something of (questionable, in my case!) beauty out of sadness can be therapeutic, even if the 'lift' is only temporary. 
 
Then one has to write another . . . 
 
One tiny niggle, and I woul;dn't mention it if I didn't think your poem was otherwise perfect: 
 
After your first 'This child' you have a comma, which never appears again. I think either get rid of the frirst comma, or have commas throughout, to make it consistent. 
 
I think I'd go for inserting commas throughout, to make the reader pause momentarily after each 'This child', but I'm not sure - over to you on this! 
 
Anyway, much enjoyed, even if in a rather sad way!  
 
Cheers! 
 
Looking forward to more! 
 
John X

Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 7th August 2008
Thanks John, I have added the commas. 
Thankyou for reviewing,I always get scared when I write a poem that is sad that people won't review it thinking I am of a delicate disposition which of course i am not. 
I am a happy bunny with a lot of bounce but I do love to vomit out a bit of inner grime occasionaly not that I need to. but it is jolly good fun much like a large belch on a full stomach. 
:grin :grin :grin :grin
Very glad . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th August 2008
. . . to hear it! Truly! 
 
You, the Goddess of Smut, 'of a delicate disposition'? 
 
Ha! Ha! Ha! I hope most regular readers on GW know you better by now!!! 
 
Mind you, there is a huge degree of 'delicacy' in your serious work, which is always a joy! 
 
Cheers! 
 
John X

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 7th August 2008
Lots to like in this, PP. An adult made childlike in remembering is conveyed very well. 
 
Phil

Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 7th August 2008
Not the most comfortable of yours to read, Paula - but as always very good. There's seems to be no middle ground with you; you either have me laughing out loud or feeling very touched. 
A very poignant closing line. 
Cheers

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