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Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Steve - this is good. I loved 'to form mascara Rorschach tests' and 'why butterflies adorned her gown.'
In passing I will say that unless you are emulating a non-English poetic form (haiku, luc bat, englyn, etc) it is very rare that the syllable count matters but the natural stresses in each line - you have four beats to each line (tetrametre) and three beats to each final line (trimetre) this is good stuff - there's a poet in you Steve.
Really admired this.
Cheers |
Steve!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
If I suggested a 'challenge' over this, I don't recall it . . . Maybe I'd had a few? Not unlikely! (what was it?)
But, if so, I don't regret it . . .
This, your poem, is strong stuff - I agree with Brett above.
Please, when you occasionally tire of your excellent prose, stick a poem on here for us! Seriously meant!
I shall chase up your unread (by me) other works!
I'm now off to bed, with your poem in my head . . .
Thank you!
Cheers!
John X |
Ah, yes, Steve!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Now I see where the 'challenge' came from!
Sorry - very tired!
Brilliant job!
Respect!
I dream of your 'lashings of washed darkness' . . .
Now, there's a thought . . . Gor Blimey!
John X |
Brett
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Ah Brett, dear, sweet, Brett…I feel you’re being far toooo kind to an aging fool who lacks the time to make his rambling nonsense rhyme and march to some elusive beat.
But hey, thanks for suggesting it’s neat!
All the best,
Steve |
Katanga John
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Johnnie, darling Johnnie.
O yee of short-term memory;
though blessed with manly mammary,
could use a rug upon your head
to keep your noggin’ warm in bed.
Then you might wake, e-ven-chew-alley,
recalling all the words you've said.
Challenge Anika was far more entertaining. Ah, bouncing buttock cheeks in yellow boiler suits…now those are memories worth the having of.
All the breast,
Steve.
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Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Like this, Steve. Good, strong images make for a complete piece.
Phil |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Thanks Phil, your comments are always appreciated.
All the best,
Steve. |
Seen again!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Hello Steve!
Just been re-reading.
It gets better and better!
I shall try to post something else soon . . .l
If you want to do a parallel, feel free!
Jolly banter should ensue!
Yo!
John X |
Seen again!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Hello Steve!
Just been re-reading.
It gets better and better!
I shall try to post something else soon . . .l
If you want to do a parallel, feel free!
Jolly banter should ensue!
Yo!
John X |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Hello John!
Just been re-reading your re-review (twice, even!).
It’s a letter and a letter!
I, too, shall try to post something else soon . . .2
I’m not very good at doing parallels but am quite happy to do a few stomach crunches, free feel!
Jolly banter should ensue? You bet your derriere!
Yo-Yo!!
Steve T
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Amazing
Written by Alexis.G (19 comments posted) 15th August 2008 |
Seriously this was amazing.
Such poignant imagery, and so beautifully written.
Very well done! |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 15th August 2008 |
Alexis, thank you.
It's nice that you went to the trouble of looking for a piece of my writing that you could say something nice about, because most of my stuff is garbage.
All the best,
Steve. |
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