Really don't know if this works. Truth be told - what the hell was I thinking? This is a dodgy French form, I've tried to instil anacreontic content, and the repetitive use of one of my favourite Welsh words: Ysglyfarth - the literal translation being carrion or scavenger, so I am reliably informed.
It is legitimate in this form for me to do away with the final line and finish with only half the refrain - not sure what would be stronger.
Cheers
Ysglyfarth join me in my drinking
Let whisky be your concubine.
Come sing and help me slur this rhyme,
Hoist these glasses, set them clinking
And feel your fear of death start shrinking;
All we have is drinking time.
Ysglyfarth join me in my drinking
Let whisky be your concubine.
Though brief this life, I have an inkling
Its sting tastes sweeter drunk with wine,
And sacrificing the sublime
I shall not turn myself to thinking.
Ysglyfarth join me in my drinking
Let whisky be your concubine.
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Written by Robru (272 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
I know nothing about this form of poetry, nothing at all, but you poem has given me food for thought, just the same. Life is a challenge, take it up or not is up to the individual.
I like the poem although I cannot comment on its quality.
Cheers
Bob |
Phwoooargh!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
Brett - just found this at 2.30 a.m. so I'm in no fit state to comment appropriately, except to say that it's got me by the balls, so I shall revisit more soberly!
I love it! 'Come sing and help me slur this rhyme' - oh yes!
The pattern and repetition in this (obscure to me!) form are fantastic!
One small niggle:
Line 10: 'drank'? Shouldn't that be 'drunk'?
Apologies - much enjoyed and greatly impressed!
Cheers! And so to the land of Nod . . .
John X
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Let's have a catch...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 7th August 2008 |
... and let the canikin clink clink clink !
But not in rondel form for me- learned my lesson with those sestinas !!
Enjoyed , Brett
patterjack
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mmm Whisky!
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Rondel, sestinas? is Patterjack english? I must buy myself a dictionary.
Amusing piece, I wish I'd read it last night after I'd had a few bevies(sp?) bevys, bevvies? what does bevie mean anyway.  |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Punchy
I think Bevvie is probably short for "beverage".
Brett
What I, sort of, like about your repeated drunken rhymes is that you do not seem to be at all ashamed of your intoxicated state. You admit to slurring your singing. Well, it isn't big and it isn't clever! And it is probably quite annoying for the other punters in the George and Dragon,
But this is still a very affectionate tribute to the sort of hopeless drunk who looks you squiffily in the eye and says:
"yorrmeverybestmateyouarr - iloveyou,youtosser" |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Like this, Brett. In your cups, you take pity on the freeloading leeches then? Someone has to.
Phil |
Cheers
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
Bob - thanks for your comments.
Tolstoy - Thanks for spotting that - it makes a nice double meaning.
Brian - anytime you want a drink to clink, I'm only on the opposite side of the planet.
Paula - Thankfully, patterjack is not of the perfidious saes, but possibly the most English Aussie ever!
V - Bevy, also a bevy of birds drinking from a pool! This piece is not necessarily autobiographical - from the view point of someone with nothing to live for but drink - even they will welcome ysglyfarth as company.
Phil - Not always, I have been known to. But there's always a floating pile of notes that go round my local - everybody has borrowed it, lent it, drank it - but nobody knows whose it was to begin with - it just keeps doing the rounds (literally).
Cheers |
And V
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
As for the punters in the George and Dragon - Christ, you should hear them singing when they're sober!
Cheers |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 8th August 2008 |
I will not (for obvious reasons) comment on the form, however, as for the message, this would slot straight into Norse, Beowulf-esque style literature. I absolutely love the line “Let whisky be your concubine.” I’m fairly certain the old Scotch harlot has had me once or twice against my will on a long, cold winter's night.
All the best,
Steve. |
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