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By Katanga
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09 August 2008 |
Just a girl, an experiment for both of us, and now an experiment on GW . . .
This was inspired by Burl Ives, an ancient folk singer:
"I'm a worried man, I sing a worried song -
I'm worried now - but I won't be worried long,"
Superficially sounds good, but there's death in the offing?
Strange - comments welcome!
I wrote it as a song lyric - but does it work as poetry?
This is an interesting question that has cropped up before!
Cheers|!
Katie XXX
A Girl
I saw a girl who singled
me out by surprise –
the stars were intertwingled,
reflecting her blue eyes.
I was worried then,
but I’m not worried now.
She forgave me my good-byes.
I met a girl who took me
to her home all alone.
She looked as if she might be
living on her own.
I was worried then,
but I’m not worried now.
I sowed seeds yet unsown.
I loved a girl who made me
feel like one damned fool.
I betrayed her late one evening –
I broke the golden rule.
I was worried then,
but I’m not worried now
I am a little cruel.
I married a girl one hot June day,
who took me for a god.
I blew it, blew it all away.
I remember it was odd.
I was worried then,
but I’m not worried now.
Yet I wish I believed in god.
I left the girl I married –
I sit here incomplete.
The pain I know you carried
alone now, I repeat . . .
I was worried then,
and I’m worried now –
I stain my final sheet.
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Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | Worried Man Blues - used to play it on the piano - very badly.
As a catalogue of 'experiences' it builds well. I can see (hear) it working as lyrics - not sure about poetry - but that could just be me.
That last line had me sniggering. I must have a filthy mind.
Phil
| Yes, Phil
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | You do have a filthy mind - but if sniggering at that last line is proof, then I have one too.
Sorry, Tolstoy.
Would you call Burl Ives 'ancient'?
I can see this as lyrics, hear a melody even, probably lifted from a 1920s blues, but I can't read it as poetry.
Cheers | 100% Proof!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | Thank you Phil and Brett!
I shall return, post haste, to the bottle, and see what the morning brings!
That last line? Tee hee hee hee hee!
I had to get it in somewhere - Lordy!
Cheers! Ho!
John X |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | | I hope you change the sheets before you go to bed! | Extra thought!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | Can anyone help me on this?
What is the difference between poetic prose and blank verse, apart from the format?
I would like to experiment with this idea . . .
As far as I can see, really good prose writing could often be 're-written' as blank verse . . . .
Can anyone help on this?
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | Are you confusing free verse and blank verse? Isn't blank verse written in pentameter without rhyme? Bit of a 'form' dunce - don't take my word for it.
Phil | Yes, Free, Sorry Phil!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th August 2008 | Yup! Whoops!
Cheers!
KTJ
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Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 9th August 2008 | | John - I think that for me this would work better as a song. I can almost hear it. |
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