I was happily watching Eastenders when the telephone call from my sister Caroline came to tell me that my grandad had died. You always know it's going to be unpleasant news when the deliverer of news asks you right at the start of the conversation if you are sitting down and unfortunately as the only good mobile phone reception in my then house was in the kitchen - no seats were available. After she had asked me three or four times to please sit down, my responses being that I couldn't if she wanted me to stay on the phone, she eventually broke the news. I never really believed what you always see in films where the bad news is broken and they break down and fall to the floor, but that is exactly what happened when I heard the words 'Grandad's died'. It was like the bones in my body had turned soft and I sank into a heap on my kitchen floor sobbing down the phone to my poor sister who could get no words out of me. It took me a while to regain any kind of composure but as I was 150 miles away at University, plans needed to be made to get me back home to my family. After a few minutes, I managed to regain myself and stood myself up to discuss the options of my returning home. 

The only travel options that were available was either to be picked up by someone or for me to take the train. Myself and my family knew that it was completely innapropriate for me to get the train, I was absolutely devastated by my loss and we all knew that I'd never make the 2 hour journey home, without breaking down in tears. Caroline asked me if I thought my then boyfriend Craig would come and get me so I said I'd call him and ask and she said they would have discussions at home in case he couldn't. On that note I was told to get upstairs to my housemate Kate, who was also my closest friend at University, as I needed to be with someone to help me get through the first hours of my grief.
We got off the phone and I made my way upstairs, slightly unsteady as I remember my sides bashing into the wall. Knocking on Kate's door, the response was 'hang on a sec'. On that note I knew I was disturbing what could have only been a passionate moment she was having with her boyfriend, and despite my sadness, I was able to have a small chuckle thinking 'trust me to have to knock and need her at such a moment'. When she finally told me to go in, I had already started crying and when the only words that came out of my mouth were 'my grandad's died' I remember falling into her arms and having one heck of a cuddle as her boyfriend left us alone.

I knew Kate would be the perfect person that would help me get through the initial shock and she took it upon herself to call my boyfriend as I was again in floods of tears. She told him what had happened and explained what state I was in before passing the phone over where, sniffling, I asked the possibilities of him coming to pick me up. I had a feeling that his answer would be a no, I just knew he wasn't the type of person I could rely on to drop whatever he had to do and come and get me. I was right when it seemed that it was more important that he go to work the next day not tired, which he obviously would be if he did the 300 mile round trip to help me. I needed to get off the phone to him as I couldn't believe the selfishness of someone who was supposed to love me, so I said don't worry, I'd find a way and said goodbye before hanging up the phone.

After having a small bitch to Kate about him, I called Caroline back and told her that he wouldn't do it. 'No problem' she said, 'me and dad will come and get you. We'll share the drive, one to the drive to you, and the other back. We'll be leaving in about ten minutes so should see you in about three hours. Get whatever you want to bring home packed up and we'll be there as soon as we can'.
I was so relieved that a plan had been put into place and after getting off the phone, myself and Kate went downstairs and had a very much needed cup of tea!!

I spent the next couple of hours packing pretty much everything that I no longer needed. I only had three weeks of University left and then it would all be over and the packing took my mind off of what had happened for a small while.
When my sister and dad arrived a few hours later there were lots of hugs and tears and then jokey comments at how much stuff I'd packed up!! After a cup of tea and biscuits for everyone (made by Kate), we packed up the car and headed home, Caroline having driven all the way up, choosing also to drive all the way home stating that she had gone into overdrive.

We arrived home in the early hours of the morning, my mum and nan tucked up in
bed but still wide awake awaiting our return. More hugs later and we all decided the exhaustion of the evening had made it time to try and get some sleep. My mum and nan sharing one bed, myself and my Caroline in another and my dad on the sofa!

The next few days consisted of arranging the funeral of which I actually felt quite left out of. With my then two year old nephew Connor running around, it seemed that I was the babysitter while everyone else decided what hyms and poems should be read at the service. I, of course, never said anything but it was like being a child that wasn't capable of making a sensible input which hurt quite a lot at such a sensitive time. We got through it though and no sooner was it organised than it was the day itself. Apparently we were supposed to try and hold our tears for the benefit of my devastated nan but when that hearse turned up outside the house nothing could be done to keep those tears inside as my sister and I broke down again.
The journey to the crematorium was beautiful. A bright sunny day in May through the essex greenland, the sun bouncing off of the grass and flowers, it was a journey that my Grandad would have loved. The service was beautiful and was a lovely send off for a man who we all adored

I like to think that my grandad was the sun in the sky that morning - as soon as the service was over the rain started to come down. Only slight rain, but it had stayed off until we were back at my Nan's for the wake. As the family sat around laughing and joking about things that my Grandad had done, the things he loved and the numerous dirty jokes he would tell, I knew he wasnt gone and would never be gone. I still think he is with us today and the scariest part is the things my nephew has started to say. He has an obsession with a man he met, but never knew. He asks about him all time, and there are things that he does which is exactly what my Grandad did. It is strange but quite nice to think that my grandad may be living on in Connor.

I went back for my final week at University to tie up the loose ends, handing my final pieces of work in and to say goodbye to my friends. When I arrived back, Kate wasn't around for the time I was there. I didn't know where she was at first until I received a message from her saying she'd had to rush home as her brother had been diagnosed with having a brain tumour. I felt so guilty that I hadn't been around for her when she'd received the news, like she had been there for me. Kate and I are still great friends and it was a relief when her brother recovered and is now back to being a healthy young man.

I am still sad that my Grandad wasn't there to see me graduate, and to further see me succeed in life, things like passing my driving test, buying my first car, getting my first job and watching me develop into a more successful role. All things of which I know he would have been so proud of, but also all things that I hope he has been able to watch from wherever he is.