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Shorts
chapter one
By meredith
09 August 2008

This is an exerpt from the first chapter of a story I'm currently working on. Am really axnious to see what others think. Enjoy x


I watched them through the rain, picking out two familiar figures moving though
the crowd. Malachi leaned forward and tapped me on the shoulder, signalling that he’d seen them too. He gestured toward the crowded streets and raised his eyebrows, clearly anxious to begin the hunt. I shook my head and waved him back. Too many people, I whispered silently, wait. Malachi growled the sound rising from deep in his chest. The figures below stopped, their heads snapping upwards as they caught the sound.

“Damm you Malachi.” I muttered, “Raphael said surveillance only, we’re not here to fight.”

Malachi didn’t answer, a large black panther now stood on the roof beside me, its tail swishing from side to side, teeth bared in a silent snarl. “If you go down there now the whole street will see you. “ I hissed through clenched teeth. “Do you want to expose us?”

 

The rush of air as Malachi jumped past me was my only answer. He landed silently in the square below, his black fur blending in perfectly with the shadows. Thank God for the rain I thought, the humans were all too preoccupied to notice what had just landed in their midst. The two that did notice were most defiantly were not human. The vampires had caught Malachi’s scent; I could see the blood lust in their eyes. Cursing I launched myself off the roof, landing with cat-like grace behind them. “Two against one “I said, drawing a knife from my boot.” That’s not very friendly.”

Malachi growled in warning. Too late I registered movement at the edge of my vision and suddenly I was on the floor fighting for breath. A pair of army-style boots stepped into sight and a hand shot out, gripping my throat and pulling me to my feet. Panic seeped through me as the grip tightened cutting off my breathing.

“Three against two.” The vampire’s voice was silky smooth and cold as ice. He smiled, showing pointed teeth and wound his free hand in my hair, yanking my head back to expose my throat. I reached up to pry his fingers from my neck, but his grip was like iron.  From further away I could hear Malachi’s growls punctuated by grunts of pain. I hoped he was having more luck than I was. It had been years since I’d been caught off guard. If I lived through this I’d take it out of Malachi’s hide.

 

The vampire pulled me against him and I gasped in pain as his fangs pierced my skin. My fingers tightened around the knife and I brought it sharply upward, aiming for his heart.  The blade bounced off a rib and raked across his chest, the wound healing too quickly to even bleed. Annoyance flickered in his eyes as he shoved me backwards. I hit the ground, hard, the air knocked from my lungs. The creature moved forward and stood over me, ready to deliver the killer blow.  I kicked out, catching him squarely in the knee and just managed to roll out of the way as he fell heavily, a howl of rage tearing from his throat. The vampire lunged toward me again, knocking me back against the ground, teeth snapping inches from my face.  There was a sickening crunch and the next thing I knew his body was slumped lifeless over mine.

Reviews

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 10th August 2008
Hi Meredith, 
 
I liked this - It's a good opener for a story. After just those few paragraphs you leave the reader with plenty of questions, which is always a good thing. 
 
I notice a spelling error "The two that did notice were most defiantly were not human" - most definitely not human. 
 
I'd be interested to read more. 
 
Nick

Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 10th August 2008
Meredith, hello. 
 
Your story contains one or two typos, a few punctuation issues, and some strange use of speech marks, but, on the whole, not too bad as an attention grabber. 
 
Steve.

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