I met him on the stairs. We instantly noticed each others presence, locked eyes, and began a battle of confidence. He wasn’t going to look away as easily as the others, he had some pride… I could tell he was going to be a challenge. It felt like 10 minutes but the stares only lasted a second, we both had to continue in opposite directions, me towards the bathroom and him to who cares where. And so the winner wasn’t decided, but I knew he would be the one I would get “intimate” with tonight, I just loved challenges. Unfortunately however, nature comes first and the bathroom was more important and so I went on a journey to find the bathroom, a journey that should have been much simpler then it was.

I asked a normal person who was deep in a conversation, he said, “It’s in the back”. “The back...” I thought, considering there were 2 entrances on opposite sides of this building this wasn’t very helpful, but this guy was definitely to distracted and probably to drunk to be worthy of further questioning. I walked around a little bit thinking how much time the human race could save if they invented a way to evolve and get rid of the need to excrete. Eventually, I was saved! A sign that seemed to have appeared out of thin air guided me down a dirty hallway expected to be in a bar. I followed it, thanking god along the way until I realized I was definitely no where near a bathroom. It was mostly intuition but a little logic was involved, “there are absolutely no people in this hallway” I said to myself.

I walked back, feeling betrayed. I eventually came back to the sign to realize I read it wrong. “Another sign I read wrong” I thought, feeling bad about myself. But now I knew where to go, this ridiculous journey was almost coming to a close. “YES!  A line, and some nasty smells, this has to be it!” I went to the back of the line waiting for the perfect time to strike. “There!” I found a target, someone in the front of the line that had a lack of backbone required for this task. “Hey!” I said when I walked to him. He smiled in a surprised and confused manor, “hey... uhh who are you?” I put my arm on his shoulder, went up to his ear and said “listen man, you have no idea what I’ve been through (he looked sympathetic good it was working!), PLEASE pretend you were holding this spot for me, I only gotta pee it’ll take a second!” He replied, a little bewildered “umm ok”. “Thanks” I said while I rushed into the bathroom ready to be relieved. I looked around as I prepared, it was a nasty bathroom, one that made me wish I could just pee outside in the fresh air, an idea I was falling in love with after going to these downtown parties all the time. Finally, the deed was done, the mission was complete, and I was happy but it was time to get serious now.

I took a shot, missed. I felt a little bad but it was beer pong a game that made you feel good whether you were losing or not, unless of course you hated beer. I played because I was bored and the real reason I was there required some time killing. The activity I invented that was the only motivation I had to go to parties was getting a little tedious especially the long start up time; I had to wait until my target got drunk enough that he would be aggressive. By then it was the 6^th time I participated and the 6^th time I had won. I made the sport to let out some emotions, and of course, to feel good about myself. Who doesn’t love a sport they’re good at?

I felt good, I always felt good, which is why I hated drinking, it would only make me feel worse. I found the guy I met on the stairs and the provoking stage began. This was a delicate phase as its harder to get someone aggressive then you would expect. “This guy’s dick is the size of a tick-tac” I said to the female he was talking to. And about 3 insults later the true battle began. I could win two ways, with pure intimidation, the most efficient victory, or I could win with a physical victory, a much more dangerous way to win. I like danger.

“Look at these bandages on my hands do you know what there for?” I said. He simply stared with caution, “there for protecting my wrists, fighters punch so hard that they would break there wrist with out these.” I said with a deep, vibrating and extremely serious voice. He stared back with fierce eyes this time, he knew I was trying to intimidate him, but as I hoped, he was a challenge and didn’t run. I insulted him a bit more until he finally hit me. I always let them make the first punch. I partially dodged it like always. He was bold, but he was weak, I knew I would win already. I let him hit me a few more times to make sure. Nope, he wasn’t strong enough to bring me down, I guessed his strength wrong. After another hit I laid on the floor faking a loss and he walked away feeling good about himself. I knew I would win, and I knew I would win quickly so there was no point in fighting any longer. I’m a nice guy and beating up someone for no reason is against my morals. I was stronger once again, but I wanted to test my strength on a tough opponent. A challenge is what wanted.