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By suzi
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10 August 2008 |
The Bat
A silent hunter who flys by night,
Is searching for its prey.
On velvet wings it hunts them down,
and leaves nothing to decay.
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Hello Suzi
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 10th August 2008 | "and leaves nothing to decay"? Not quite true Suzi. We have just been writing bat poems in the children's section. They only eat insects. We were trying to endear people towards bats, especially children. Do they have velvet wings? I don't think so. They have stretchy skin covering bones:
http://www.biomechanics.bio.uci.edu/_html/nh_biomech/bats/bats.htm It's ever so interesting studying them.
Perhaps you could say:
This silent hunter flies by night
And insects are his prey.
Then when we humans go to work
He sleeps the day away.
I don't know what you think of this. ha ha - I write for children and I think children would like this. You are doing very well with your poems. Come and do some children's poems with us. |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 10th August 2008 | Aren't they lovely creatures? I guess I'm happy with my screenname over here  I liked your poem. | Decaying leaves!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 10th August 2008 | Well, personally, I like your last line - if a bat swallows an insect whole, then it really does 'leave nothing to decay', and the hint at 'decaying leaves' I think is a clever play on words.
Niggle: the typo spoils it for me.
'flys' should be 'flies'.
Then it's perfect!
Cheers!
John X And again, more please - don't be put off by us pedants! | Josie, please stop
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 10th August 2008 | trying to write other members' verse.
I don't think you should take 'velvet' literally, Josie, unless Bela Lugosi was your internal decorator!
Nice piece, suzi, but do amend the typo that John has pointed out.
Cheers. | Good work
Written by brickle (11 comments posted) 10th August 2008 | I think that Josie has completely misunderstood your last line as well.
Her rewrite is rubbish compared to your own piece.
brickle
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