As Katanga John Katie has, on a couple of occasions, invited me to contribute to poetry (no doubt upsetting a few of the more serious poets), I offer you this, "Angel".
In honour of Johnnie, darling Johnnie, I have written and posted an alternative final stanza which should only be read by the broad-minded.
Note* line 1 was supplied by Mr G Lake.
Emerging from a silk cocoon,
her body, of fine marble, hewn,
an angel stood beneath the moon,
on velvet lawn her gown now strewn.
And held in twilight’s soft embrace,
upon a bed of silk and lace,
this angel poised to fall from grace,
with satin touch, caressed my face.
Yet, cold of heart, the mocking moon,
conspired with fate to seal my doom,
and there, in twilight’s creeping gloom,
my heart was sealed inside her tomb.
********
Warning
********
Yet, cold of heart, the mocking moon,
conspired with fate to seal my doom,
and there, in twilight’s creeping gloom,
I lost my nerve and came too soon.
What a prune!
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Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Nicely done - both versions - though in the second, I'd lose the fifth line.
Oddly, from fine marble, hewn makes me think of something a little more male. Probably just me. I know there are many feminine marble statues.
Phil |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Very good, Steve. I loved the second stanza - you dismiss your poetic skills too rashly.
As for the extra verse - what a climax!
Cheers |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | | At least the alternative version doesn't sound so gloomy! Practice makes perfect! |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Dearest Phil, if you want to think of something a little more male, who am I to stop you?!
Thanks for the read, all the best,
Steve. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Thanks Brett.
I dismiss my poetic dabblings to save others the trouble.
Thanks for the read,
Steve. |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Veronica, gloomy? It is merely the 'short' story of man smitten, and never meant to be gloomy. That just goes to show the poor quality of my storytelling.
Akin to the poor chap in the alternative stanza, I shall keep practicing.
All the best,
Steve.
| The irony, Steve,
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | is that so many who continue to post poetry wouldn't know a poem if they were sodomised by a conical edition of the Oxford Book of English Verse!
Cheers - don't stray away from verse too long, mate. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | ouch! Brett, I thought you were going to say "sodomised by St Stephen Fry himself! LOL
Agreed Steve, like your poetry very much, keep on posting. It was the tomb bit that sounded gloomy, which is why I liked the alternative and hopeful version! | Sodomised indeed!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 11th August 2008 | Thanks Steve - all publicity is good publicity!
Lordy! Liked it anyway.
More please!
K Y Jelly!
X |
Written by stevetroster (1601 comments posted) 12th August 2008 | Frankly, I’m appalled! You have taken my Angel, the exquisite, naked goddess of my dreams, and, with her, plumbed the depths of an ocean of pustulent derrieres!!! If this is the kind of respect that one’s work can expect to receive from… ‘poets’, I shall, in future, remain firmly adhered to the bosom of shorts!!!!!!!!!!
God damn ye heathens t’ the bowels o’ hell i’self, where ye shall rrrrrrotttt for all o' eternity ’eld firm within the bottom cheeks o’ the de’il ’imself.
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