This sonnet is a take on one of Shakespeare's sonnets, no.130, where he says how hideously ugly his mistress is and then says he couldn't love her more. It's a great poem, look it up if you haven't read it already.
I have just spent 5 wet and windy days camping in Wales, which inspired me to write this poem. Apologies if you're Welsh or happen to like Wales, it's a complete over-exaggeration, I'm sure its lovely on a sunny week.
The skies of Wales never see the sun;
Grey the colour its skies lavishly boast.
If fields be green, then its grass is dun;
If the night be black, then night coats its coasts.
I have seen water glinting in sunlight;
No such sun can penetrate the damp gloom.
And in many seas there is more delight;
Than the wintry waters of Wales assume.
I love to feel the sand under my feet;
Yet my blue-tingéd toes would disageree.
With Welsh friendliness little can compete;
Their frigid ambience matching the sea.
Yet every year I find myself there;
For no other place can ever compare.
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I am waiting...
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
...for Mr Brett Evans, the Bard of Abergele, to review this.
Because I agree with you - it is pretty much true! Stand by for the onslaught of reactionary Welsh ire!
Loved the blue-tinged toes and the frigid ambience...! |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
I did have trouble with the metre in this piece - some lines reading pentametre, others tetrametre (are you intending 'Wales' to be pronounced with two syllables?).
The metre (for a sonnet - particularly inspired by big Willy) does seem to stumble and some of the rhymes are wrenched; sunlight/delight - the natural stress would be on 'sun' not on '...light'.
I must admit to liking lines 11 and 12 - by the way, I am Welsh.
Where was it you were staying? The wrong side of the hills?
Cheers |
Veronica
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
You are a sarcastic cow - and it really becomes you!
Cheers |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
Nice fun piece, if you're not Welsh!
As for form, I noticed a few glitches along the way, but Brett has pointed those out more accurately than I could manage.
Phil |
Phil, it's a fun piece
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 11th August 2008 |
if you are Welsh - the perfidious saes having to be corrected by the ignorant sheep-shagger! Lovely.
No offence bookwormetc. All the best.
Cheers |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
| Da iawn. Never been there, but it sounds quite romantic exactly because of gloom you mention. |
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
| You did an excellent job with your sonnet, and for a first poem it is very impressive. Yes, the metre fell in a couple of places, but I certainly couldn't have done so well with my first poem. Congratulations! |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
Iesu Grist, Josie, hen fran, y fesur ydy aflawen!
Diolch!
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Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
| You did an excellent job with your sonnet, and for a first poem it is very impressive. Yes, the metre fell in a couple of places, but I certainly couldn't have done so well with my first poem. Congratulations! |
DDIOLCH
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
| is what that should have read! |
Perfection is a illusion.
Written by Bookwormandco. (39 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Cheers all,
I agree it was a bit stilted at some points, but it ain't easy to get it perfect, I'll get there eventually.
If you Wales with a Welsh accent it does have two syllables :P
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Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 26th August 2008 |
That depends where in Wales doesn't it? That's why I asked if it was the wrong side of the hills! Taffy side!
Cheers |
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