READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1621 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
Whoops!!
By NuttyWithIt
07 January 2006
Be careful what you teach your kids!!

It is in the darkness of the nights,

That children get their biggest frights,

Monsters appearing everywhere,

Trying hard to get a scare.

Yet tucked up safe inside their beds,

My two girls have on brave heads,

Pretending to be fast asleep,

They wait to hear the monsters creep.

Then up they jump with a fearsome yell,

To send the monsters back to Hell,

Which is why this year, still holding sack,

Poor Santa had a heart attack!!

Reviews

Written by amboline (183 comments posted) 9th January 2006
A thought-provoking little poem with a cracking punchline! :) My only critique point is the one I often make with rhyming verse - your rhythm isn't consistent all the way through, and in places you've allowed the rhyme scheme to force your choice of words ("my two girls have on brave heads" is quite weak, and I'm sure you'd have chosen a more expressive phrase if you hadn't been trying so hard to rhyme with "beds").
response
Written by NuttyWithIt (38 comments posted) 9th January 2006
Thank you Abmboline. I did this at silly o'clock in the morning, so didn't really give much thought to it! I do find it hard to maintain strength and rhyme, but i have an extensive vocabulary and can normally manage it, when I'm more awake!! I was aware that the rhythm was out too, but again, not much thought went into this. just an idea that popped into the head in the wee hours and was screaming to be written!! I wont revise though, I enjoy to write off the cuff, however it comes out! But thank you again for your words. xxx

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item