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Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
| Oceane, please do not think I am being rude in any way when I say this, for I mean well, but this piece of writing should be developed well and put in the Non Fiction side of Great Writing. I have done a similar thing which is there. This, to me, is prose cut into chunks, not poetry. People on GW know that I don't tell you this in any rude way, for I've said it to others. Good prose is equal to poetry any day and this would be better suited to that section as far as I am concerned. |
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
I am glad you commented and your thoughts have helped me to think a little bit more, and that means helped me to develop a little bit more.
I appreciate your help, but I still will keep this as a Poem.
Thanks! |
I loved it!
Written by JohnnyD (106 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
The last four lines... how true it is for one and all... but tell me how many will accept this fact?
I loved it because I can connect with it. Keep writing Oceane and keep living the way you wish to through the actions of your characters...
Johnny D |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 12th August 2008 |
Your writing should mean a lot to you - but as poetry this means nothing to me! Sorry if that seems harsh, but this really isn't poetry.
Cheers |
Thank you!
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Thanks for your comments!
Johnny D - I really appreciate that you both loved and can connect with it. But I don't know how many that will except that thay truly live when they write, all I know is that I have. I will keep writing and living, thorugh my characters!
Brett - Okay, this wasn't poetry to you. But that makes me wonder what poetry are to you, and you didn't tell me that. How am I suppose to rewrite then? If you would have given directions maybe I would have consider them, but now I can't do even that.
And really, I think that poetry does look very different for different people, and I do belive that this sounds like poetry to me. Not that sort of poetry that ends with a rhyme in every line, but it is poetry. |
Poetic Prose . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
. . . is what this is for me.
A lot of this flows really well, and I agree with JohnnyD that the last four lines are brilliant.
But there's more to poetry than chunking prose into short separate lines, which is what I feel you've done here.
My advice is to read some published poetry (whatever takes your fancy!) and look at the difference between it and good prose.
There is one!
Please don't let our comments put you off though!
All the best!
Cheers!
John X
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thnx
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
I'm glad you liked it.
I will have to say that you might have something right in what you're saying. I don not know,, since I have very little excperience in writing different things. All I ever consider myself to have written is stories and poetry. But mabe not. I will have to learn more. |
Oceane
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Poetry has many forms, you are aiming at free verse here, but although free verse is without rules it is not without skill. The poet's tools are words, and an appreciation of language is paramount - to get the best out of free verse (though this is not the poetry I am best at writing, so I would urge you seek advice elsewhere) I would recommend natural breaks in your lines (as if taking a breath, or how you would naturally speak - of course this may alter in the narrator, or the content of your poem), and a use of assonance, consanance, alliteration and such. I would certainly recommend a study of poetic form and metre (you may not wish to write in restricted forms, but appreciation and knowledge of the basics can only be a plus!)
Cheers |
Everyone must read ee cummings' work...
Written by JohnnyD (106 comments posted) 14th August 2008 |
if i love You
by ee cummings
if i love You
(thickness means
worlds inhabited by roamingly
stern bright faeries
if you love
me) distance is mind carefully
luminous with innumerable gnomes
Of complete dream
if we love each (shyly)
other, what clouds do or Silently
Flowers resembles beauty
less than our breathing
******
I just wish to give one good example of one of the world's best poets ee cummings, whose work is not only hard to understand... forget about appreciatng them but then there are number of thesis worldwide to unravel the mysteries behind his great writing....
Every poet has his or her own style and what is more important to understand is what made the poet to write in the way it has been written... well... Oceane please develop your own style and yes, I would love and recommend you to read ee cummings work. While he was alive everyone ridiculed him of his style... but after his death... people are doing thesis to understand to unravel the mysteries behind his writing style... Such is the magic to believe in your own creation without following what others have already achieved.
Keep your creation flow the way you desire... all the very best!
Johnny D
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Brett
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 14th August 2008 |
I do want to learn, and I have tried a bit. But I do not have much spare time, and the little sparetime I got I wanna use to do reseach and learn about how to write books and novels, so I am afraid that the poetry will take a while. But you are right, it can only be a plus.
Anne |
Sorry, missed the 'i' in APPRECIATING!
Written by JohnnyD (106 comments posted) 14th August 2008 |
| oops... |
Johnny D
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 14th August 2008 |
Thanks for the tip, I will read his poetry sometime, I kind of liked it. Yeah, I will try to find my own style and keep it going.
Anne |
e e cummings, fine example!
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 14th August 2008 |
'stern, bright fairies' recite it or read it - every word seems exquisite because of their consonance (appreciate their r's - as it were!)
'luminous with innumerable gnomes' - these are the skills that seperate free verse from would be poetry made up of crudely cut prose.
Cheers |
brett
Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 18th August 2008 |
thanks. I will keep that in mind.  |
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