This is a trivial 'take' on patterjack's brilliant 'Bedroom Dancer' - a response to Punchy's challenge.
It's not often that I write as a woman, but I thoroughly enjoyed this experience!
Please hurl tomatoes at me!
Cheers! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Sorry, Brian!
Katie X
Bedroom Prancer
You pose beside the window looking down
at me, full-naked in the empty dawn.
I laugh at you – why do you simply frown?
I gaze at you and think of smutty porn.
Your muscles bulge beneath your manly skin,
I quiver down inside and feel weak,
my laughter has me shaking deep within,
depriving me of all ability to speak.
Put on your dressing gown immediately, I pray
‘cos otherwise I’ll faint right here and now!
Your naked flesh appals me, dare I say?
Get dressed, you tart, and cover all somehow
that weakens both of my proverbial knees.
Stop tempting me! Oh stop! I beg you, please!
|
Written by Mr_E_Writer (225 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
"I gaze at you and think of smutty porn," would apply to at least twenty young ladies that I passed on the way to work this morning!
As for PJ being appreciative, I was always led to believe that for an Aussie to get aroused, the woman should be lying in a bath of chilled Fosters eating barbecued shrimp. |
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Very good, Eric - we await pj's responses!
I'm sure he's used to the scenario you outline!
A babe in chilled Fosters sucking a shrimp. eh?
That's too much for me! Waaaah!
Cheers!
John |
Manly bodies
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
| It's on the beaches of Australia that you see them silhouetted against the surf. I certainly had a look. There were lots of them showing their manly muscles as they surfed towards the beach at Noosa Head. Patterjack will know where I mean. Bronzed by the sun, they turned their bodies this way and that way as the surf carried them towards me on the beach. Oooooh! Here comes a poem! |
Looking forward . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
. . . to it, Josie!
I'm all agog!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Very funny one John, but you sadly are expressing exactly what us ladies are hoping our men do not think but probably are.
Brilliant though.
I shall have a go tonight once I have opened the sparkling Chardonnay!
x |
Punchy!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Cheers!
I'm slightly puzzled - I am writing from a woman's point of view!
Not that it actually matters which way round it is!
Cheers! Ho!
lol
John X |
Oh yes
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
|
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
oops, pressed return.
It was the smutty porn bit I was being sexist and presumed only a man would think like that, and the old tart bit also.
Looking at it from a womans point of view, now it is totally acceptable.  |
Jolly Good!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Cheers Paula - now that's sorted, how about one from you on the naked male?
No rush . . .
Cheers!
John X |
Punchy's right
Written by fellpony (1751 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
| Yeah. I KNOW you said that it was your challenge to write from a female point of view, but I don't think a woman would have written the "smutty porn" line. The attitude you've written wavers between hysterical laughter and desire - which CAN exist together! - but somehow the porn line made me think it was a male view being expressed. Posing beside the window I can fully believe in (my husband tends to slip on his shirt before anything else and then open the bedroom curtains ... since he doesn't wear py-jams, the view from outdoors might be a bit hair raising) but the way you've written it, "full naked" might equally apply to the male or female partner while "tart" is usually a female epithet (although I admit it can be used occasionally the other way around!). |
Ah, Sue!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Cheers for looking in on this silliness!
Yes, Punchy is right!
I tried to write as a woman, but somehow couldn't let go of the man in me, if you get my drift?!
Please tell your husband that from now on, every time I log on to GW, I shall think of him standing at the window in all his morning glory! Waaaaah! Truly!
BTW in my circle, to call a man a 'tart' is perfectly acceptable - in Cumbria? Dunno!
I'm one myself, in that I'd sell my soul (R) for the gift of being able to write good poetry!
lol
John X |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
| I like it! And who dances in their bedroom anyway, with a straight face, that is? |
I do!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
'nuff said! Almost . . .
Cheers!
Trouble is, I inevitably fall over and then wonder why I'm bruised in the morning . . .
John X |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
I dance in the bedroom too! Much to amusement of Mrs Phil.
Not sure you caught a woman's POV, John - but an interesting read. Mr Fellpony might be a little worried after your assertion about thinking of him in the altogether.
Phil |
Damn! Phil . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
. . . I can't rid myself now of the vision of Mr Fellpony preening at the window in the grey dawn . . .
Alongside your good wiggling naked self . . .
Lordy!
I laugh with Mrs Phil . . .
Cheers!
John X |
I have done that
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 13th August 2008 |
Danced in the bedroom , that is -- solo with a leer and with another
lustfully.
patterjack |
Ha~
Written by ReflectingGod (30 comments posted) 19th August 2008 |
Been there, done that.
I enjoyed this very much~ |
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