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By Katanga
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13 August 2008 |
This is part of a series - Josie has started a string of poems on 'the seven deadly sins'. She's done a wonderful poem on the theme of 'Jealousy'.
Here is my attempt on the theme of 'Lust'.
Not an easy topic in the children's section, but I've tried to make it as innocent as possible! I wanted to make it 'unisex' but failed - it's addressed to little boys.
I remember feeling a sort of childish 'lust' for an angelic fair-haired girl aged eight when I was seven - she sang exquisitely in front of me in 'assembly'.
I haven't really changed!
Cheers!
John X
Lust
You know your lovely classmate,
the one with sea-green eyes,
whose hair falls like curtains
drawn across blue skies?
I know you want to kiss her!
Of course, why wouldn’t you?
But think before you leap because
she might not fancy you!
Don’t deny your feelings,
but take a slow step back
Would you really want to give her
a horrid heart attack?
Take it very slowly,
get to know her first.
Control your rushed stupidity
or else her heart might burst.
It's love you want, not anger,
I'm sure you think that's true.
Be patient with your fantasy
and then she'll notice you!
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Not really lust John.
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 13th August 2008 | | John, your poem is lovely, and children's love isn't really lust is it? I had a little boyfriend who was keen on me when I was about 9 years old, but we parted company when he went to the Grammar School and I was an 11 plus failure. ha ha. Still, I have in my home a little nail brush which he bought me for Christmas all those years ago. Ahhhhhhhh There is something wrong with the 4th and 5th verse which I would be glad to help you with, but only if you wish. I do not wish to re-write anybody's poem for them, but only to help if I can. | Thanks Josie!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 13th August 2008 | Yes, I am on dodgy ground here! Any help will be much appreciated, though not necessarily automatically followed - let's see!
pm me if you prefer . . .
lol
John X |
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 15th August 2008 | I realise it must have been difficult to do this. You made a really good poem though, even though its not really lust, but I suppose how do you write a poem about lust for children? Difficult.
But the message in this one is a good one, I think you took the right approach and thought it was well-written! Nice one! |
Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 15th August 2008 | Yes, this is certainly a difficult subject regarding children but I think you have written an excellent poem considering. Innocent love, I remember it well! especially the game of kiss chase.
Kellie xx |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 22nd August 2008 | Hi John,
I thought this was beautiful:
You know your lovely classmate,
the one with sea-green eyes,
whose hair falls like curtains
drawn across blue skies?
Quote:
You've handled the subject well and as someone has already said, there's no true lust where young children are concerned.
Nicely done,
Pamx |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 22nd August 2008 | Sorry John,
still finding my way around the quote facility! 
You're local idiot, Pamx |
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