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English Slacker chapter forty-three |
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By chrismorton
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14 August 2008 |
This is the first chapter from section VI So we were round Duncan’s preparing to go out. I guess it was just like any other night, all of us round Duncan’s again. Well it was me, Graz, Neale and Duncan. And Bradby was possibly on his way. But it was indie night down The Basement and I was well looking forward to it. There was a bottle of red wine going round and Duncan was rolling like the fifth joint of the evening and everything was getting pretty funny.
We were all totally fucked. I remember, like clearly, lying on the sofa shouting comments to the others and feeling totally out of it. Graz was slumped in the wicker chair hugging his drink. Neale had just come well close to throwing up and at Duncan’s suggestion he was in the kitchen making toast. Even Duncan was looking pretty wasted.
We were trying to work out who we could call to give us a lift in to Firkinton ‘cause Bradby had just phoned up saying that his car needed to go in to the garage or something and we’d been relying on him for a lift.
It was a toss up between Dave from Skipton, who we all hated, Ambra, who probably wouldn’t come. Graz’s friend Steve who we’d all never met; and apparently he hadn’t phoned him for months. Alex and Paul, who were both pretty unreliable, and I’d said that Plant Pot from Price-Savers was always asking me to go out in Firkinton with him for a drink so we could phone him: Duncan was taking the piss saying “You know that if we do phone him you’re probably gonna have to shag him at the end of the night,” and stuff like that.
There was this cool indie-hip-hop type music playing, which was from a CD that Alex and Paul had lent Duncan and it was all trippy and that as I remember and it was making my head spin; but in a good way if you know what I mean.
As I drew on the joint that Duncan had just passed me I imagined that the room was the dance-floor of The Basement and the fat DJ was playing in the corner and the place was full of fit indie girls, all wearing lacy dresses and corsets with loads of eye-liner and stuff. |
Written by bluecity (432 comments posted) 15th August 2008 | This is a very short chapter... a discussion about who to call for a lift whilst stoned.
Quote:
There was this cool indie-hip-hop type music playing, which was from a CD that Alex and Paul had lent Duncan and it was all trippy and that as I remember and it was making my head spin; but in a good way if you know what I mean.
I'm quoting this because I think the sentence is a bit involved, also you don't need a semi-colon after "spin". A comma would do.
Rosemary
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Written by chrismorton (65 comments posted) 16th August 2008 | yes i noticed that paragraph too. I changed it to
"There was this cool indie-hip-hop type music playing from a CD that Alex and Paul had lent Duncan, which was well trippy and that as I remember and it was making my head spin, but in a good way if you know what I mean."
But I wasn't sure which was better or if it really made that much difference.
I also changed the last paragraph to
"As I drew on the joint that Duncan had just passed me I imagined the room as the dance-floor of The Basement, the fat DJ playing in the corner and the place full of fit indie girls, all wearing lacy dresses and corsets with loads of eye-liner and stuff."
But then I changed both paragraphs back.
And then the next day I saw your comment and i'm now wondering which is best - and thinking again about how I could do with an editor... or an agent... or a publisher... or some money for the rent...
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Written by bluecity (432 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | Editor, agent, publisher, money for rent? Tell me about it! I have to work full time and I'm doing an OU course as a means of keeping myself employed, because everything's fluid in my line of business - education. I get really depressed at times (like today) because I can't find time to do my writing and, when I do write, it's disjointed (but not in a stoned Chambers sort of way) because it's several days since I wrote the last bit.
Rosemary |
Written by chrismorton (65 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | yeah it's frustrating isn't it.
(I'm also in education, although i wouldn't call it my line of business, i'm just a simple teacher) |
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