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Poetry
Needed advice.
By AnimalCrackers
14 August 2008
its needs some work

You walk through life alone,
not knowing your destiny.
Wandering around aimlessly,
as if in a black hole.

You seem so lost and so confused.
If you need some help,
ive got advice you can use.

stand up straight
and keep your head up high.
no matter what happens,
you've got me by your side,

if you need a helping hand,
look left, and look right.
you've got friends right beside you
and hands in clear sight.

Don't blame yourself for others mistakes
whats theirs is theirs,
its not your choice to make.

Laugh a lot and have no regrets
love yourself before anyone else
appreciate everyone you've met
Youll find you way just like everyone else

noone knows where theyre going
or how their getting there
so take one day at a time
and youll arrive right on schedule

Reviews

Written by Oceane (10 comments posted) 14th August 2008
I really liked it :) It's true and it's hopeful, but you're right about that it might need a little work.  
Well, just keep going! 
Anne

Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 14th August 2008
Trite sentiment, and as poetry it's all over the place - the first stanza enveloped rhyme, and then each one that follows being whatever you see fit - even lazy 'rich rhyme' (else/else) Apostrophes used in "Don't" yet not in "ive" (I've), "theyre" (they're) ad naseum! 
Patchy rhythm ay best. 
Cheers 
Hmm?
Written by fellpony (1751 comments posted) 14th August 2008
are you the same young person who arrived on the Forum and introduced yourself as someone who won't bite but might correct others' grammar? You've set yourself up for some embarrassment I fear. I think you might like to do a little editing of this in the light of your Forum remarks ...

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