I miss you, though I see you everyday.

I don't think you'll ever read these words. I'll be lucky if you don't eat the damn paper. Maybe if I hold it up against the little square of glass in your door - out of your reach - maybe you'll look at it long enough to understand what it says. Unlikely.

Where have you gone? The real you, the normal, happy you, the one I sort-of-loved. That all must still be there somewhere, because otherwise you'd be dead. If everything that makes you, you is gone then why am I here, writing this? Why are they bothering to keep you alive; see, it's because they think you'll get better.

I went to visit you today, but you hit me. It hurt. The orderlies had given you a tray full of travel locks to open and shut over and over again, and you showed me every one of them - twice, three times. Then you went to sleep, or pretended to, and I left.

We used to play hide and seek in the dark when we were children. It was a hundred times better than regular hide and seek, because you could be hiding right under my nose and I wouldn't know - and one time you hid under the stairs, actually inside the big, old flour bin and I couldn't find you for an hour. I sort of started crying, because I missed you.

It's like that now, only I don't know where to look. I can't look; not inside of you, in your head. I'm sort of crying all the time now.

That time - when I shouted your name - you came to find me, and we laughed about it afterwards. You laughed more than me.

Now you don't even know your own name.

I miss you, I miss being happy. More and more I miss the way that you were a part of my life - the way you were always there and I could tell you every stupid thing that happened to me at work, and every single thought I had, and every single feeling and it didn't matter if you cared or not because the two of us had something solid and real and meaningful in this trivial world.

Then something inside you broke - and I never saw it coming - and it made you go away and hide.

You're in there somewhere. I know you are.

Just let me find you.