Have you ever thought how it might feel
To cast your skin like a snake or giant spider
Leave behind a perfect shell that looks
Enough like you to fool your closest friend
And yet, precious and fragile as fine gold leaf
Would disintegrate if touched or breathed upon?
One day I hope to do this simple thing
To slough this dowdy, life-worn husk
Escape like the house fly new released
From a matchbox into the empty vastness
Of a cathedral or like a child’s helium balloon
Into the endless ether from his careless grasp.
Oli 17/08/08
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Written by punchy (576 comments posted) 17th August 2008 |
Lovely poem, one that makes you think.
I love the "To slough this dowdy, life-worn husk " line.
the first line sounds familiar, maybe from a song or something but maybe it just sound familiar because it works so well.
Nice one
Paula x |
challenging
Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 17th August 2008 |
| challenging as usual Oli - some interesting choices of simile (I mistyped that at first as "smilie" - not that you ever need to elucidate words with icons). "Careless" implies that life, ie the soul's occupation of a body, is a matter of little importance. As always, it demands re-reading and rewards thought. |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 17th August 2008 |
But what of the skin beneath? Perhaps another poem there.
Challenging because it's a beginning, not an end. The most interesting questions are often those that ask: what if? And this seems to be one of those - at least from my perspective.
Liked this very much. Some very effective images - especially lines 5, 6 and 10.
Good to see you here.
Phil |
Thought provoking
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 17th August 2008 |
And refreshing. An excellent piece and (as Sue has already pointed out) some interesting, and original similies.
I can't deny being envious of 'From a matchbox into the empty vastness / Of a cathedral...'
Great.
Cheers |
Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
A most interesting poem. You do seem to know how to choose exactly the right combination of words to make an impact.
"And yet, precious and fragile as fine gold leaf
Would disintegrate if touched or breathed upon?"
Is a brilliant example of that. |
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