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By Artemis
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17 August 2008 |
Written on the train.
Bodies pressing, straining movement,
jerking, rythmn, speed increasing,
sudden stop. Gradual releasing.
The tube's doors shut at Monument.|
Written by mr_soul (126 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | Cleverly done, haha! You lead everyone into thinking its about one thing.......and then you find its about something completely different! Class. I can't think of a more suitable title either.
Nice one! |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | Neat little piece. Had the rhythm of a tryst or railway carriage.
Phil |
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | Witty, observational, and enjoyable! Nice enveloped rhyme, too.
Cheers |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (768 comments posted) 17th August 2008 | Nice one A!
The tube is indeed a violation of privacy and far too intimate with strangers for anyone's comfort - apart from the pervs.
Give me a car commute any day. At least I don't have to have my face in somebody else's armpit.
As Phil says, a nice trainy rhythm to suit the subject. | Agree with Phil
Written by MattHews (45 comments posted) 18th August 2008 | | Tight, right and bright! | Superb!
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 18th August 2008 | This is spot-on. A brilliant poem!
This should be the ‘headline’ piece for a new edition of ‘Poems on the Underground.’
Has that ceased to be, BTW?
In my opinion, it’s no simple feat to write with such strong innuendo without appearing gratuitously smutty.
You’ve done it in style!
Like V, I drive whenever possible, trying to ignore the howls of derision from the PC brigade.
Cheers!
John X
| Sex
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 18th November 2008 | has always provided a good hook 
fun piece . luckily our carriages are not always as crowded as I found London's to be .
patterjack |
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