Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Something in the way.
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1383 guests online and 2 members online
Poetry
Something in the way.
By ReflectingGod
19 August 2008
Messy thoughts, something in the way.

I wonder about a lot of things.
Things that usually don't concern me.

I feel for things that don't exist.
I am hurt by no one I know.
You try to understand but not by much.

I want to build a time machine.
I would like to undo what has been done.

Something in the way

Would you sympathize or shun me?
Could I get your approval?

I don't care if your hurt.
You asked and I told.
What was I suppose to say?

I distract myself with books and a gun.
I try to do my best but it lacks.

Something in the way.

What was it they said?
What was it that they felt?

I really don't belong here.
I want to go back and save them.
I need to show them my love.

Could I pull it off?
Would they listen and burn their plans?

Something in the way.

I sit and think about different things.
I observe those who will follow.

You stare off in blindness.
Time doesn't matter,does it?
The hurt is the same all around.

They were dubbed creeps and weirdos.
To others heroes and villains.

Something in the way.

To me they are my personal affliction.
Eric and Dylan won't leave alone.

Edward causes me to lose my mind.
I think and sit and think and walk.
You stand and watch and sit and follow.

I need to know their last thoughts.
I want to know them.

Something in the way.

I have to figure out why.
I have to go back

Underneath the face there is one
Behind the eyes there is two.
In front of us is no one.

I want to believe I could do it.
I remind myself where I am.

Something in the way...











Reviews
hm.... thought provoking
Written by Bookwormandco. (39 comments posted) 19th August 2008
Interesting poem. Tis heavy. 
I don't have a clue what you're on about though, sorry. 
I'm guesssing it's kind of wanting to change past actions. What do you mean by 'something in the way'  
or is it just a recurring thought you've had that sounds philosophical? 
Please enlighten me. 
Thanks 
Lauren
Not thought provoking, not 'heavy'
Written by Brett (1001 comments posted) 19th August 2008
I would recommend that this poem (if poem it be deemed) needs more construction and also to be more coherant to hold the reader's attention (certainly this reader anyway).  
Studying poetic form and critque will really improve your writing - and poor old Dylan got dragged in too, bless him. 
Cheers
George Harrison . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 19th August 2008
. . . wasn't it? 'Something in the way she moves attracts me like no other lover'? Tra la! 
 
Anyway, I have to agree with Brett on this. 
 
Needs more coherence. 
 
Cheers! 
 
John
John and Brett
Written by ReflectingGod (30 comments posted) 19th August 2008
Nope not that Harrison. 
 
I based the title of the song 'Something in the way'-by Nirvana 
Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold are the names mention, 
Edward is my man-friend. 
I am working on revising it and trying to make it more presentable right now...

Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 19th August 2008
If it's worth working on, it's worth giving it some focus - and yes - coherence. You say 'messy thoughts' in the intro. It makes for a messy read too. 
 
Phil

Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 24th August 2008
Hey RG, 
 
I liked the poem and your previous ones with the references to Nirvana - made me listen to them again for the first time in a few years. 
 
Personally my favourite lyrics by Nirvana are "Choking on the ashes of our enemies" from 'All Apologies'. Just thought I would share that with you as I don't know a thing about poetry, so it makes my review pretty redundant. 
 
Nick

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item