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It's the time of year when our cars/vans etc all seem to be due their annual M.O.T.s (roadworthiness tests, for those not resident in Britain). Today was the turn of the Ford Transit so, having had it checked out by our local garage man, I duly trundled it down to the Kendal industrial estate and sat reading newspapers and doing crosswords for an hour before the hostages (the pass certificate and keys) were returned to me in exchange for my fantastic plastic. £50 quid lighter, but glad I didn't have to arrange for a re-test, I trundled back homewards via the supermarket. Gleefully I occupied four parking bays ... well, two and two quarters, to be precise ... surrendered a pound coin to the release thingy on a trolley and off I went.
I shop only rarely in Kendal (it is 15 miles south and I work 40 miles north of my home) and it seems that every time I go into Morrisons they have moved the things I want to somewhere else. This makes shopping more akin to foraging. I start off with a list, and end up with a headache. Fish and flowers are no trouble as they are always near the entrance. Fruit and veg ditto, except that I get mine from my friend Mr "No-Relation-To-Del-Boy" Trotter, where we conduct our business in civilised fashion over a mug of coffee, a ginger biscuit, and a discussion of the weather, horses and whatever is showing on TV when I call.
It's after bakery that I begin to fall down. What used to be tights and knickers is now toothpaste and baby food. Jams and tinned fruit have turned into household maintenance and car polishes. And what has happened to raspberry yogurt? I haven't seen a raspberry yogurt since January. I've been told that raspberry yogurt costs more to make. I don't understand why this should cause a shortage since here it is, another good raspberry season, and when I finally ran the dairy section to ground there was no lack of strawberry or other soft-fruit flavours.
Worryingly, Red Leicester cheese was also playing hard to get. Foreign cheeses I could find in abundance: Brie, in French or Somerset varieties, Emmenthal, Lierdammer, Gruyere, Camembert, Danish Blue, and plenty of chunks of bulk-buy Cheddars with full fat or reduced fat content; but the local makes, Cheshire, Stilton, Leicester, Double Gloucester, Caerphilly, were doing the equivalent of panto audience interaction: hiding coyly in opaque, one-size-fits-all packaging, or else "be'ind yer!" in the deli section.
By the home baking shelves, a lady was having the same "oh no it isn't" problem; she was looking for syrup and treacle, a reasonable brace of sticky ingredients to expect alongside sugar and flour, dried fruit and marzipan.
"Perhaps they're in the jam section?" I suggested. "I'm looking for cocoa myself."
"Ah no," she said, "dark chocolate and white chocolate and milk chocolate, you'll find them here, but cocoa's over that way, with tea and coffee."
I'd been there. I went and looked again, but I never did find it. Clearly the Genie of the Lamp had been there before me. It can't POSSIBLY be my age.
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Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |  I know the feeling. Recently the supermarket I do my grocery shopping in, shifted everything dramatically. I don't know why? Probably just to annoy the regular shoppers? I could find nothing! It's been a month and I still am so disoriented. And the price is depressing. How can the same vegetable triple in price in one week?
Mia  | moving target!
Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 20th August 2008 | | The supermarkets move displays to force us to see things we'd otherwise never see, and therefore would not buy. It annoys me too, but the problem I had was that I knew the stuff should be there, and thought I knew where, but I still couldn't find it. Prices? It's sometimes the weather. If most of a crop gets frosted, droughted or waterlogged, the remaining crop soars in value. Mean, but there it is. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 20th August 2008 | Something I think most of us can sympathise with.A very witty rant and I liked the ending, of course it can't!!
They do set out to confuse though by continually changing things. According to my friend, who works in one, it is a psychological game. You have to walk past the luxuries to get to the basics etc. And they keep changing so your regular pattern takes you through new stuff. There's method in their madness [ or is it the other way round?]
Anyway as you say it is annoying.
And if you think supermarkets are bad then try a cash and carry; mine is gearing up for Christmas-Aaaaarrrhhggg!!
Oh BTW "Gleefully I occupied four parking bays"
I do hate people like you 
cheers jane | Hi Jane
Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 20th August 2008 | "Oh BTW "Gleefully I occupied four parking bays"
I do hate people like you "
Well, Morrisons didn't design their parking spaces for people like me who occasionally have to park a socking great tank of a thing like my transit horsebox. It overhangs a single space and makes the two next to it unusable (plus if anybody does park in them, presumably w/o passengers, I can't get my door open to drive away). So I park with the cab badge on the white line between two spaces, the towbar then sits on the white line of the spaces behind, and I only actually block up 2 spaces, not 3 as i would if I "did it right". (You're right, it's just an excuse. They should make their parking bays bigger.)
I think the "moving things in the supermarket" ploy only affects organised women who go with a list and a battle plan. Men don't grocery shop by habit (at least, none of the ones I know do) and neither they or the disorganised shopper of either gender has any pattern to disrupt. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | Yes, Sue to be fair Morrisons car parking arrangement does leave a lot to be desired. The one here has the lanes at an odd angle to the bays and it is almost impossible to drive in straight and I'm amazed there hasn't been an accident.
They have an arrow pointing to the exit but if you follow it you just go round again. You actually have to go through the petrol station to get out.
I've seen cars parked in the lane rather than get into a bay so I don't envy you with a van and horsebox. And the damn places are supposed to be so convenient??
You're probably right about it only affecting the organised shopper. But it is amazing how much thought and money goes into organising the layout of a shop, even to the point where they have the name brand and shop brand together but the shop brand it to the right as most people are right handed and will pick that one up without noticing. They take it all very seriously | Not here !
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | Our Woolworth's has a printed list of what is in each gondola attached to that bay. They don't change it .
One up for the local Oz Woolie's !
patterjack |
Written by Phil (7001 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | Fun piece - good read. I've given up on supermarket shopping now. All done on the internet by Mrs Phil. Saves loads of time and if they rearrange the pages, a quick search usually finds the missing item.
At local Morrisons has a sloping car park. In an effort to save money (I can only assume) they haven't fitted brakes to the trolleys. This makes unpacking your shopping without scratching your car pretty difficult. Still, on the few occasions I go there, if there's a badly parked van I allow my trolley to rest against that while I get on with loading up the car!
Phil |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | No, it can’t possibly be your age. Having said that, I do get the impression that for some people, this has become the main social event of the day – I witnessed an elderly couple some time back who had paid a special visit to the supermarket to return a carton of grapefruit juice “because it wouldn’t stand up properly in their fridge” – maybe it was an ironic way they’d found to try and waste the store’s time (unlikely).
Particularly enjoyed your references to “the hostages” and the evolution of “tights and knickers” – they did contribute to making a very amusing rant. I tend to get fed up with asking where stuff is – the last spotty-faced oik who promised me he’d “check if they had any out the back” never reappeared, until I bumped into him 20 minutes later “out the back”, in the car park, on a cigarette and iPod break. As Phil suggests, would ordering some of your groceries on-line (the ones they can’t possibly cock up) be of any use?
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Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | | I can order, but can't get delivery out here in the "sticks". Funnily enough I was discussing that with daughter just prior to reading on here - I had put her address down as a delivery point for one supermarket because she's inside their "magic circle", though I have never ordered from them yet. Supermarkets and also suppliers take placing of goods very seriously: did you see the piece on TV a few years back where a crisp mfr sent someone round a supermarket wearing a headset to track his eye gaze, to find out where the most-seen places were on the shelves? It's not at eye level but between waist and knee height that we the punters are looking. Somehow that seems suggestive to me ... I feel another smutty shoppers piece coming on! | Fresh:
Written by solst (34 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | A great insight into your thoughts about shopping trips.
You make it all seem quite exciting. I once had a dream about being in Tesco. I actually lived their. It was a little community. I had these meeting in particular aisles, for various reasons. There were debates about the suitability of the Alcohol section for a talk about friendships and the nature of forgiveness, but I couldn't see the problem. Anyway, that was my dream - in a couple of seconds.
The writing is not worth commenting on. WAIT! You are a master of the Arts, I'd say - and all I can do is praise the writing and I don't know if that's what you're looking for.
What about "...I duly trundled it down to the Kendel..."
It really was about all I could find. I wasn't just looking for grammar, I was looking for as much as I could see.
Everything felt very attractive to me as I was reading it. That's how I know if a writer is accomplished. The words on the screen, all digital and perfect in form, stay that way. When I read poor writing, I actually have this kind of warping in my vision and the small, perfectly formed text becomes out of alignment, or different fonts. You might think I'm joking, but if I have to work too hard at paying attention, my mind just destroys what I see. I saw great forms on this page - an anecdote as perfect as the magic of digits.
| thanks Solst
Written by fellpony (1749 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | | what an interesting review. I've never had my writing compared to mathematics before, but then if architecture is frozen music i suppose anything's possible. I'm actually a Master of Science rather than Arts but have always been borderline between the two disciplines having taken my first degree in English Lit and Education (and I shall refrain from mentioning transliteracy). Thanks again, anyway. |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 | | Ah yes... They should place a map at the entrance of supermarkets, for their lay-out sometimes seems rather incomprehensible. And why do they still tell their employes to place the newest goods in the back, while everyone knows that trick and thus takes them FROM the back? |
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