They say a man wrapped in himself
Makes a small parcel, but so what?
I want to be small, so small in fact
That nobody can see me anymore
So this is what it means to die
Not the last breath or even
The last neuron firing off a spark
But the slow withdrawal from
Everything it meant to live
Whatever that means.
The first to go are friends
Jettisoned without remorse
Each phone call or door bell
Meets a mumbled “fuck off”
Texts and mail go unread straight
To oblivion where I want to be
And the duvet gathered tighter
Next the papers, TV, wireless
Who gives a flying toss what
Goes on in Tblisi or Beijing?
When it comes down to it
What matters most is privacy
The need we have to be with us
Alone, and where more private
Than the grave, just me in there
Doing my own thing, happy
Content at last in my success
Forever alone again, cocooned
In my perfect, silk lined
Misanthropy.
Oli 20/08/08 |
misanthropy
Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
| is a great place to go to lick your wounds, so long as you remember it isn't a permanent living place but a temporary shelter. Unless you're Diogenes of course. Or, as you imply, in the "silk lined" cocoon of the coffin. Don't do it Oli! Come out and play with us daft poets as often as you can! |
Diogenes?
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
There is much to say for the old dog's philosopy, and I may join him in living in a pot, but I have no intenion of masturbating in public.
If you mean the modern "syndrome" - I remain relatively hygenic as we speak and have only three pairs of shoes.
Oli 
|
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
Sounds more like a description of depression rather than misanthropy and as such it came across a bit too angsy for me. It lacked the telling, powerful lines that you do so well and felt a bit unstructured.
Not bad at all but perhaps not your best work, not to worry, only the mediocre are always at their best.
cheers
jane |
You are absolutely right Jane.
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
It is the work of a man "wrapped up in himself" - although I rail a bit at the depression label. Been there, seen it, done it, took the tablets. But then I find that there is something deeper, not just a lack of endorphines, that is what I think I was trying to examine in perhaps a clumsy and unedifying way.
Maybe what we label an illness is more a choice i.e. to be anti-social, to be cynical, to be pessimistic, even to be miserable. I less sure these days that this is a pathological state with me. Perhaps its just the way I'm supposed to be, my natural state?
You are right of course, it is shit poetry & this is a poetry not an introspection site (if such a thing exists).
There I go again! Another 10 minutes delving in my ever deepening navel!
Oli  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
I do agree with you about labelling illnesses. It is lazy and often dangerous. I did say it sounded like depression and may have missed the hints at something darker. It wasn't the best word but I just wanted something to contrast with misanthropy.
I suppose all poetry is introspection up to a point; it's usually very personal and intimate. I have no idea whether it is good poetry or not I only know how it affects me.[is that introspection on my part?]
I think we all have a "basic state" that we revert to in times of stress and awareness is more important than labelling. As a good friend used to say "Labels are for jam jars not for people"
Hope you're not too bad
jane |
I;ve tried not . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 20th August 2008 |
. . . to read the reviews above .
But I've been roughly, even precisely, where you're describing so accurately.
' . . . the slow withdrawal from everything it meant to live'
and 'texts and mail go straight unread to oblivion where I want to be' .
This is the most extraordinary desciption of 'coming through' that I have ever read.
My own father went through something like what you descrcibe . . .
Huge respect for this poem, and for you . . .
John
|
Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
I'm not too fond of the style you used here. The line between poetry and prose is blurred, but with poetry I do expect a certain rhythm. Line breaks cause a reader to pause and here there were many pauses. They were in natural places, but other places might have been even more natural.
I guess a depression is an illness though. Of course your narrator is enhancing it by his behavior, but the depression itself is something that's probably the result of neurotransmitters being in the wrong place at the wrong time rather than a conscious choice.
It's though provoking though, for how would one treat such a person? |
That is why we call it "verse libre"
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
dear Batty. You may not like it, but it does have a long pedigree and allows the writer to concentrate on matter over form.
One assumes that you are in the Robert Frost camp and would as soon play tennis without a net.
Fair enough little furry fellow, chacun a son gout.
Oli |
Labels?
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
Jam jars? Hmmmmm!
I thoroughly disagree with Fled's musings above (although there isn't actually a point made to disagree with).
I think this is brilliant 'free verse'.
You have to become 'big' to write about the state of being 'small'.
When it gets this desperate it's not easy.
Respect!
Great poem!
John |
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
I hesitated at leaving a review, but here it is (as little as it is worth); Being an admirer of much of your work, Oli, I cannot take to this piece as poetry - don't get me wrong, there are some very strong lines and the content, and your perception of it, very profound. I just think you are capable of a better poem.
By the way, Robert Frost was railing against 'verse libre' when he said it was like playing tennis without a net. If yon furry fellow was in his camp he would sooner play it with a net.
Cheers |
Poetry Brett?
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
Yes, for me it is.
It may be 'free verse'. but there's a huge amount of 'poetic' content here, and I quote in no particular order, and only a sample, e.g. assonance,
'privacy, happy misanthropy'
'parcel, last, spark'
'friends, jettisoned, bell'
Alliteration:
'man, small, more , means, meant, from'
and the great parallel:
'fuck off' and 'toss what'.
So I uphold this as a good poem.
Cheers!
John |
John
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
My opinion is that this is just not of Oli's best - and consonance is different from assonance (though most of your examples were assonance).
Sorry Oli for detracting from your piece - you can't please everyone, and why should you wish to!
Cheers |
Sorry!
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
Yes - I must search out Oli's other works, which I know are very good.
I'm a bit sloppy on assonance / consonance, but know the difference deep down. (!)
Anyway, that's another review - sorry!
I have to say again - I really rate your poem!
John |
Wouldn't apologise too much
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 21st August 2008 |
I've just made an arse of myself - I meant to point out your examples of 'alliteration' - some of them were examples of consonance - what a **** I feel.
Sorry, again, Oli. |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 21st September 2008 |
Somehow missed this back in August - so my good wishes are pretty redundant - just hope you're out of the slump, Oli.
No matter the opinions of its poetic qualities - it connects with me and that's more than enough to make it worthwhile.
Take care.
Phil |
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