|
By Katanga
|
|
21 August 2008 |
The Colours of Love
Brown autumn shrouds your eyes in fading grey,
sheds leaves upon our once green growing love,
that blossomed pink, held Heaven in its sway
and gave no credence to blue stars above
until the seasons of our lives took toll
and taxed us mercilessly, ground us down.
Our rock, belying sand, began to roll
downhill, and Jack cracked up and lost his crown.
My urgent summer brings him back to you.
Your face in spring is winter’s frozen curse,
denying colours rich, our chosen few.
I wait, impatient, as our rolling Earth
rolls on, until I kiss and touch red lips
at summer’s solstace pale blue moon eclipse.
|
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | | Oh, I am the first to give you a review. I liked the way you unveiled the colours of love in this piece John. I have to say though that I'm not sure that "Jack cracking up and losing his crown" fitted into this at all. It was quite out of place but I know what you mean. You felt as if all the solidness you had felt in your relationship had suddenly been built on moving sand. Very sad. Very moving. | Yes, Josie! Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | Yes, the 'Jack crcked up' line is pretty dodgy, which is probably partly why others have avoided this clumsy piece! But thank you, you've got my point entirely! Cheers! John X | Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 21st August 2008 | I quite like this - but I do confess to stumbling over Jack and his crown. Phil
| Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 | | That's a whole rainbow of love, so what colour is the gift you give your love at Valentine's day? Nice poem. | The Colour of Loving Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 | | wasn't there a modern folk song in the 1970s with a similar title? "It is all of these colours and more..." I felt this tried to fit too many themes into a small space - colours give way to seasonal references in a rather uneasy combination. You might be better with two poems using the different themes, or a longer one that is less cryptic. | The Valentine's Gift? Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 | Fled - you answered your own question . . . A rainbow! Cheers! Ps I just learnt a new word from your good self - 'kenning'! Thanks for that - and your kind review! John | Thanks Sue! Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 | Yes, I think I was clumsily rolling about in the mixed paint tray! Good advice - I shall ponder accordingly . . . Cheers! John X |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |