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Great Writing - Home > Short S. > PB's Olympic Update: Re-education, Horseshoes, and Cobblestones
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| PB's Olympic Update: Re-education, Horseshoes, and Cobblestones | |
| By Emmuttmax | ||||||||||||||
| 21 August 2008 | ||||||||||||||
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Ok, bear with me, this is just about over. PB is taking tomorrow off; he's taking me out for my birthday.
PB's update: Re-education, Horseshoes, and Cobblestones
After taking Judy to the groomer this morning, I returned home to find Pathetic Bob glued to the new hi-def, plasmatic, surround-sound T.V Mrs. Em just bought, watching the Olympic coverage. I think women’s soccer was on. “So Bob,” I said. “There’s only about one more day of the Olympic competition left; how is everything going?” He tongued-lapped his coffee then turned his head to look at me. “I guess that depends on how you look at it volleyball gut. If you are the Chinese government, you might think, ‘Ha, we showed you, you Western capitalist pigs, you don’t fuck with China.’” “They also showed some of there own people the same thing. I saw where they sent two old ladies in their 70s away for ‘re-education’ because they asked to protest the cost of the rent on their homes.” “Yeah, well, you know, you can’t let old Chinese ladies get out of hand or the hive might fall apart. It’s not going that well for the Americans Em. I mean they got a lot of medals, but most of them are for losing. This isn’t horse shoes Em; you don’t get points for ‘almost.’” “I don’t think that’s fair Bob. The Americans won a lot of stuff. What about those little girls in gymnastics and the women’s beach volleyball team and women’s soccer? “First of all Em, that’s women’s football, not soccer. I’m not kidding, people in Europia call soccer ‘football.” And secondly, those are ‘almost’ sports Em; they don’t really count. Speaking of Europia, the Eeng Landers have been kicking ass and taking names; I think they are in third place. I’m surprised they are winning medals in a competition that doesn’t even have insect baseball or fox chasing. You know what the Eeng Landers are really good at.” “I’m sure you’ll tell me. And by the way, it’s not insect baseball; it’s cricket.” “Like I said, insect baseball. Anyway Eeng Landers are good at bicycle riding. Can you believe that, bicycle riding? I would have thought you couldn’t even ride bike in Eeng Land with all those cobblestone streets.” I didn’t want to go there so I asked. “What about those Jamaicans? Did you see that kid win the 100 and 200 meter sprints in world-record time?” “I did, and man, is that guy fast. It’s just a shame he’s not going to get rich on products endorsements.” “Why not? He’s the world’s fastest human, surely he can cash in on that?” “He may be fast Em, but who’s going to buy cereal endorsed my Saddam Usain Bolt? “But his name’s not…never mind.
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