This one is for Meadowcroft... I have tried from my understanding about dreams, also from the spiritual aspects... I am sure it will be debated from all quarters... Views and perspectives will always differ just like our conscious and subconscious levels... Happy Reading!
Each soul travels all the time
In conscious and subconscious levels
Subconsciously the conscious always overlooks it
Consciously the subconscious rules in its own ways
What we do consciously
Is always recorded in the subconscious level though
What the subconscious does
The conscious never knows
The power the subconscious creates is unbelievable
Shaping illusions in our conscious as dreams
In the subconscious level for us to dream endlessly
The subconscious rules our conscious happenings all our lives
Johnny D
21st August 2008
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Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
Johnny, you state 'conscious' or 'subconcious' in almost every line here, four lines containing both words - this makes for a very repetitive read, I think you could have made your point a little more succinctly.
Cheers |
Thank you Brett...
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
While you felt it repetitive, it was necessary for me to use the two words. Hence you see them in almost every line of the poem. My style of writing will but obvious be different from yours... And I prefer to write my poems from my point of view...
Johnny D |
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
| Johnny, sorry but I do think Brett is right because to make your poem interesting, you need to vary the vocabulary. I often write my poems with a thesaurus open for this reason. I understand the point you are making though. |
Views & Perspectives will always diifer.
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
As I had mentioned it earlier itself, I still would not like to change the two words with any other Josie. Thank you for your review...
Johnny D |
Written by grace (298 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
Hello Johnny,
I understand what Brett and Josie have said but for me personally, this poem is so unique, it can accommodate the breaking of the usual rules.
It read rather like a conundrum, yet the message came through strongly and clearly. Not an easy theory to explain but think you have accomplished it very well,
Pamx |
I am glad you understood the difficultie
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
Thank you Pam. I am glad you have understood the difficulty of the topic of my poem. Yes, it was not an easy task but I must confess it was Meadowcroft, who inspired me to write this poem.
It is so very easy to find the shortcomings of any poem but do we really understand the undercurrent a poet goes through while writing his/her works? What makes the poet to use certain words and follow a certain style? A good reader will always understand all these aspects and I am glad to find a good reader in you Pam. Thank you so much...
Johnny D |
I am glad you understood the difficultie
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
Thank you Pam. I am glad you have understood the difficulty of the topic of my poem. Yes, it was not an easy task but I must confess it was Meadowcroft, who inspired me to write this poem.
It is so very easy to find the shortcomings of any poem but do we really understand the undercurrent a poet goes through while writing his/her works? What makes the poet to use certain words and follow a certain style? A good reader will always understand all these aspects and I am glad to find a good reader in you Pam. Thank you so much...
Johnny D |
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
And a good poet will take on board criticism and not be blindly arrogant to the opinions of others.
Of course we all write differently, Johnny, and that's a blessing for us all, but first let me say that I do understand your poem, as I'm sure Josie does, it's not ground breaking philosophy - what I meant was that your point could have been made in a much tighter and therefore more powerful piece - no need for such repetition. That's all.
Cheers |
All I can say Brett...
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
...is you still haven't understood my opinion as to why I chose those two words... While you talk about a good poet taking on board criticism, you bounced back immediately to my opinion calling me arrogant... funny isn't it Brett?
Just like you expressed your opinions, I expressed mine... so where is my arrogance Brett? While you are trying to repeat your views... I just wrote my poem the way I prefer...
So what's the big deal my learned friend?
Johnny D |
Johnny
Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
To save any embarrassment and not to detract further from your piece so others may review it without getting caught up in this I shall send you a pm.
And I'm certainly not learned. Learning.
Cheers |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
Sorry, Johnny - the repetitions tied me up in knots. A little like a tongue twister. Actually, it made me think of BBS's response to your cricket piece - something like: the batter comes out to go in when the a batter who is in is out and stays out while he is in until he is out when he goes in.
It's just an opinion.
Phil |
Johnny
Written by fellpony (2924 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
| You are attempting much wider poetry than you used to and for that you are to be applauded. However, I too found the constant repetition of the two words got in the way of my understanding of what you were saying. T S Eliot did it quite a lot in "Murder in the Catherdral" and I found was tedious there too. I had to copy and paste your writing into a word processor and do some cutting before it made any sense to me. While I don't disagree with your intellectual statement, I don't think your writing actually helped to get the relatively simple concept across. So in that sense I agree with Brett and Phil and Josie. |
A consciousness twister . . .
Written by Katanga (4169 comments posted) 23rd August 2008 |
. . . is how this read to me.
More of an attempt at an impressive playing with words than a poem.
I've tried to untangle your meaning, but I end up thinking that this is a kind of 'sophistry', which will unfortunately impress some people blindly.
A bit like the 'charisma' of catastrophic world /cult leaders.
I know I sound harsh, but if this is meant as a tribute to Meadowcraft, then I feel it is misplaced.
Cheers!
John |
Thank you Fellpony & John...
Written by JohnnyD (177 comments posted) 24th August 2008 |
Thank you so much for your feedbacks. With all due respect to one and all, I still wouldn't prefer to change the TWO words for another because it was necessary for me to use them. As I said earlier, views and perspectives will always differ and it would be debated from all quarters, I am glad you all did your best.
John, it was not a tribute to Meadowcroft but actually she inspired me to write about the topic and I really appreciate you for seeing the poem in various perspectives.
Johnny D |
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 24th August 2008 |
| Yes, I have to agree with the fact that sometimes, even though others may have other opinions, at the end of the day it is the writer who has the last say. I think your writing is coming on so well Johnny and your command of English is so good. I wish mine were similar in Italian, but I fear it never will be. Well done! |
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