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Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 24th August 2008 |
I agree about the first one.
The second told a story but not an interesting one. Perhaps you could have The child yielded to the lusty current of the river. That tells you more than just 'she'.
I like the third one - more of a story idea, but a good one.
As a project, I would find it more interesting to review others attempts than to attempt it myself.
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Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 24th August 2008 |
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Asferthecat. Yeah, the first one's sort of beat poet although that's not what I was going for. It was also a case of not reading the instructions carefully.
You're right, the second could use work. I wouldn't use child only because I was imagining this raging torrent as masculine, hence the word 'lusty' and I wanted the feminine to 'yield' to 'him'. Still, I can sense there is a more powerful way to say all that, so you're right.
The last is also my favorite. I agree and disagree with you on this one. I see it as an idea and as as a story on it's on. As an idea it's more powerful, though and I may eventually use it as the first sentence in a mystery. Gwyn
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Written by TwistedTales (548 comments posted) 25th August 2008 |
My favorites have to the second and the last. It's got this mysterious feel to it, the third one that is, and you could write a whole story out of this one line (I feel). It certainly is a challenge. Ten words!
Regards,
TT |
Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 25th August 2008 |
| Thank you, Twisted. It certainly was a challenge for me who's gabby by nature. I have been thinking of using the third one as the first line of mystery. Thanks again. Gwynn |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 26th August 2008 |
A valiant effort at what was,after, all an impossible task. I was told that you can't have a story till you have an ending, so with that rule the 2nd comes closest to being a story. The third would make a good beginning, though
cheers
jane |
Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 26th August 2008 |
Thank you, Jane. You're right, now that I think of it. A story does need an ending. The first was the result of my not reading the rules carefully and you're right about the second and the third.
I did get a good story idea out of the third one though as you said. Thank you, again. Gwynn |
Here's my try at the 10 word story.
Written by Odonata (5 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
hello Gwenedd,
You are right. The 10 word story is habit forming. Good cheap fun. You can write them in your head. Here's one.
Rabbit clover roadside fox surprise. Chase tarmac chrome. Foxtail antenna.
Goofy but fun. I wrote several that began: Boy girl . . . or variations thereof. |
Intrigued . . .
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
. . . by the discipline and potential of this constraint.
Personally, your second is the best, but I would like to see a name instead of 'she'.
Not sure why - maybe to hint at a true story e.g.
A Skiing Accident
'Amanda, facing death, chilling now, seeks warmth from dead Sebastian.'
Crazy thought!
Beers!
John X |
Ending Jane?
Written by Katanga (1537 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
"I was told that you can't have a story till you have an ending"
Very hard, in ten words, to have a beginning a middle and an ending.
In this form, do you think it is possible, with skilful use of the ten words, to state a beginning from which there is an almost inevitable middle and ending?
Hmmmmm! Just a thought that interests me e.g.
"She meant to get a morning pill - chemist shut."
Not skilful - just a crude example!
Cheers!
John X
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Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
| Good one Odanata. I don't know why I never got a notice that you had written it. I got a notice about Katanga and that's how I saw yours. Thank you for sharing it! Yes, aren't they addictive? |
Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
| John, the last one of mine is my favorite but you're the 2nd person to say the 2nd one should have a name. Maybe I will go in now and give her a name. My name, I think. That way I won't have to struggle over a name. Lazy. Here goes .... Oh, before I go, I like your examples as well. Aren't they fun? |
Tasteless...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
... probably. But plotted -- a sort of follow up to Katanga's effort :
It was born, went blue ,but could not be revived.
I fear that my liking for that sort of challenge faded many years ago with the demise of Toby competitions in Punch
patterjack |
Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 8th September 2008 |
| I like yours, Patterjack. Thanks for trying one and sharing it although you've had your fill. I'm a newbie, had never done any before so that's why I'm so excited. |
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