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Comedy
Tidy Teenage Quickie
By Paul&Mark
13 January 2006

This is one of a few different characters and scenarios we have been playing with and this sketch would be one of many interactions between the three characters and as this is our first time we would greatly appreciate any feedback


TEENAGE GIRL LAYING ON HER BED IN EXTREMELY CLEAN AND TIDY BEDROOM ADORNED WITH POSTERS OF MCFLY DOING HOMEWORK WITH MUSIC PLAYING LOW

CUT TO BEDROOM DOOR BEING BURST OPEN AND THE GIRLS FATHER WALKING INTO HER ROOM

 

I thought you were told to tidy this bedroom, this really won't do, its an absolute tip!

 

CUT TO GIRL ON THE BED LOOKING CONFUSED.....

 

But.....

 

CUT TO FATHER STANDING WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS LOOKING ROUND THE SPOTLESS ROOM AND HOMING IN ON ONE SOLITARY MAGAZINE LYING ON THE EMPTY FLOOR

 

No buts young lady...just get it done!

 

CUT TO FATHER LEAVING ROOM AND SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.....

CUT TO GIRL GETTING OF THE BED AND PICKING UP THE ONE MAGAZINE WHICH IS ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO THE BED AND PUTTING IT ON HER DRESSING TABLE

CUT TO FATHER IN A MESSY AND DIRTY KITCHEN...OVERFLOWING BIN,OPEN BLACK BIN BAGS ON FLOOR, SINK PILED HIGH WITH DIRTY POTS....MOTHER SAT AT DIRTY KITCHEN TABLE,IN HER DRESSING GOWN, SMOKING AND DRINKING FROM STAINED CUP....

 

Just wait till she moves out, she'll never cope on her own....that rooms a disgrace!!!

Reviews
heh.
Written by Dark_Red (10 comments posted) 17th January 2006
A nice little snippet, but it really needs to be part of something bigger to have much else said about it.
Hmmm
Written by Spinsky (8 comments posted) 10th February 2006
Interesting. It strikes me as being more about a mistreated teenage girl. One who can't do anything right in her family's eyes. I found it quite disturbing actually. But as Dark-Red posted, with a little more background and mass it could get where you want it to be.

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