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Poetry
The bird , the tree and I .
By patterjack
02 September 2008
                        The  bird  ,  the  tree   and  I.


Look there. That bird.
It's real enough, and I can see
the fine leaves of the casuarina quiver
as it crashes onto the branches
in an almost random fluttering ; in the way
that a drunk might crash his way
through bushland undergrowth .

Nothing delicate, nothing careful about it.
Nor do I know
if, as a bird, it could in any way be described
as simply care free.   

But at least it is real. It is not a thing
to be smothered under words that show no more
than my own abstract reaction.

I myself am not careless of its being.

I can summon abstract nouns to tell just what I feel.

Or perhaps tell what I should feel in that passive way
that observers summon up;  pleasure, delight, the gamut
of all those Romantic emotions expressed  
in nature poets' observations for long ages past.
But I am too self centred and cannot but relate
that bird's existence to my own.


And there. That tree.  
Once more it has begun to prove its point.

Maybe casually one could claim
that it has succumbed to Spring's green goading.

But, as with the bird, I find  
that it relates to me only as exemplar;
the bird, less permanent, the tree more permanent

and  I ....

Reviews
Excellent!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
I really like this quiet, observational, reflective piece, if I may describe it as such. 
 
Some lines stand out for me: 
 
'Look there. That bird.' 
 
Neatly reflected and continued by 'And there. That tree.' 
 
'I myself am not careless of its being.' 
 
' . . . it has succumbed to Spring's green goading.' 
 
and your final point left hanging, with intimations of mortality: 
 
'and I . . .' 
 
Much enjoyed and admired, Brian. 
 
Cheers! 
 
John 
 
Good Piece
Written by Flexy5000 (7 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
Good work overall. I think the last line could have read "and I somewhere in between" but you don't have to change it.  
 
Keep it up.

Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
I feel that you might be getting at me a teensy bit for saying that your last poem was too abstract! Well, this is a nice descriptive piece that talks about real things but still draws some kind of lesson from them, so, yes, I like this one!
Sorry . . .
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
. . . but I disagree with 'Flexy5000' above. 
 
the suggestion for the last line is, in my humble opinion, wholly prosaic. 
 
We know that the poet's 'permanancy' is fragile, and he makes the point with brilliant economy . . . 
 
And leaves the reader, well me at least, to linger on the transience of the human condition etc  
 
Cheers! 
 
John
Conversational
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
I just wanted to slip for once out of the bonds of exact poetic forms , and so carried onto the computer a conversation that had been held with my wife about the bird , and an observation of that same tree from the earlier poem Non Resurgam 
Thanks for the comment K , glad you like it . 
 
patterjack
No No Veronica
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
Not getting at you at all-- a much better thought here is that I took your admonishment to heart and on this occasion , unlike with By the Barrow I tied the verse to two moments of reality more closely than I have done for a while . 
 
So you can put yourself into the position of having brought me an inspiration to go back to the thinking of some of my past verses , where I have drawn some kind of lesson ( I won't list them)  
 
But I am too self centred and cannot but relate 
that bird's existence to my own.
 
 
together with the idea of  
 
relates to me only as exemplar 
 
is I hope a sufficient exculpation 
 
Thanks for the kind words 
 
patterjack
And I ...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
I ,like Katanga , think that more in the last linee would be an overstatement  
 
But thank you for the review  
 
patterjack
This is very engaging
Written by ainsel (68 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
...very gentle and meditative. It reads effortlessly, which must come from its conversational beginnings, yet it has a lovely rhythmic flow. 
 
Do not under any circumstances change the last line. It is a perfect ending. Let the reader think about it. 
 
ainsel
Absolutely . . .
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
. . . ainsel! 
 
Thanks for reinforcing the point. 
 
Please, Brian, don't let anyone persuade you to change your last line . . . 
 
It's a line to kill and to die for . . . 
 
Cheers again! 
 
John X
thanks ainsel
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 2nd September 2008
I will not change the last line. 
 
What interested me about the work itself was that , after struggling over some of the more intricate forms , this piece did indeed flow forth very simply . It did not accrete as many of the past formal poems did in my writing of them .  
 
I do find the sonnet form , possibly because I very often think in pentameters ( honest ! ) to be the easiest of the specific forms -- and I can often just tidy up a piece of free verse to make a sonnet. Nice option to have ! 
 
And thanks again Katanga 
 
patterjack
Excellent piece of writing.
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 3rd September 2008
A calm and reflective poem, Brian. I think one of the most striking things about it (other than its imagery) is its use of simplistic (almost minimalist) language ('Look there. That bird') leading to the reflective aphoristic like observations. 
The lines that really struck me you have already quoted in your reply to Veronica: 
 
'But I am too self centred...' 
 
'that it relates to me...' 
 
And I'm with everyone else - the ending is sublime. Perfect. The poem as a whole, in my worthless opinion, is nothing short of a masterpiece. 
Cheers

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 3rd September 2008
With the reviewers above, pj. It's beautiful. I also sense such freedom and fluidity in thought and expression, that is refreshing. This piece brings together the concrete and the abtract, the external word and the meditative seamlessly. I love the contrast drawn between the bird, the tree and the human existence. The last line opens the door to a thousand more poems, and most of us humans don't dare go through it, not without some armour on anyway. 
 
This is a very memorable piece. 
 
Mia 8)
minimal
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 3rd September 2008
Thanks Brett for the very complimentary comment - for once I did try to be as direct as possible , to the extent of using the technique of direct address . I have rarely used it , except in the opening lines of some of my direct addresses to the great poets of the past, and they usually begin with Sir 
 
I liked almost quoting what I had said -- prosaically -- to my wife. 
 
patterjack 
 
 
Happy flow
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 3rd September 2008
The situation was just right , Mia , and the thoughts flowed easily for once. Would that it was always so simple and easy! . I hope that if there are a thousand more poems , they will not be too painful to write either ! 
 
You make an interesting mention of armour- perceptive. I feel that many of my pieces are indeed armoured in a fashion. 
 
Thanks a lot for your lovely comments 
 
patterjack

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3567 comments posted) 4th September 2008
It felt more like a meditation than poem though I'm sure the two are not mutually exclusive. Indeed I don't doubt that a meditative form of expression lends itself perfectly to poetry. The reason I say that is because you seem to be questioning the ability of poetry to capture and hold what we sometimes see and feel about that vision.  
 
Lines like :- 
"if, as a bird, it could in any way be described 
as simply care free" 
 
"It is not a thing 
to be smothered under words that show no more 
than my own abstract reaction" 
 
"what I should feel in that passive way 
that observers summon up" 
 
seem to show you questioning how words and poetry can adequately express what you feel about , in this instant, the bird and the tree.  
.It was a beautifully written piece, which on the face of it was about what you saw but there was, for me, a powerful subtext about the gap between seeing and expressing, which is something we all can sympathise with. Bridging that gap is what separates the poets from other writers, I suppose [and realising that there is that gap separates the great poets from the good] 
Of course I may be wrong but that was my reaction. It got me thinking which is the mark of good writing.I realise I have expressed this rather clumsily but I hope you get my meaning 
cheers 
jane

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 5th September 2008
Almost a minimalist examination of experience and how language defines it - leading to an (the) inevitable end. It almost rubbishes its own ideas in the final lines. Clever - and engaging. (I'm aware this interpretation may be complete rubbish - but it works for me.) 
 
As mentioned, with its roots in conversation, it flowed naturally - but it had an easy ebb and flow to it that built to a gentle but definite rhythm. 
 
Loved the imperative that started this. 
 
Liked very much, Brian. 
 
Phil
Music too !
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 5th September 2008
Because I am nearly always taken with minimalist music I regard that review as very complimentary indeed , Phil. 
 
I hope you follow my logic ( ? ) there . Also as an admirer of the Augustans , I try to keep my material more minimal than the lush Romantic lads -- and I am happy if it has succeeded with you . 
 
Many thanks  
 
patterjack

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