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By Brett
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04 September 2008 |
A humble effort of footy's Cleave form - 3 in 1.
I long to taste my lover once again
Such sweet desserts I've tasted from the bottle
Though never have my senses ceased to dance
Because my love as many times before
Has never spoken she keeps me on my back. |
Extraordinary!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 3rd September 2008 | The most difficult thing with this form is juggling with the syntax and grammar, to make the whole thing flow without it reading like juxtaposed halves that barely meet in th middle . . .
Line 3 is an extraordinary feat! An explanation would be tedious, but look at it and what goes before and after . . .
And as for the rest of it and the content?
Simply brilliant!
Cheers!
Tolstoy
| excel-lent
Written by footy (38 comments posted) 3rd September 2008 | Excellent Brett
A poem from the heart!
The cleave works, there is synergy and the fusion is subtle.
A feat of intelligence and artistry.
Onward and upward.
PT |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 4th September 2008 | Aha. I have identified your lover!
Ms Sauternes, perhaps? That explains a lot. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 5th September 2008 | Having read a few of these now (cleaves) I recognise the skill and effort that must go into them in the creation. Something that is more than likely beyond me.
However, as a form, I find it leaves me a little cold. I guess it's like admiring a very difficult and completed cryptic crossword - engaging in the solving, but not so much when complete.
Not a crit of your work - just the form. Perhaps I'm a Philistine.
Phil |
Written by marko2 (9 comments posted) 20th September 2008 | | Good stuff again matey. I do not claim to be an expert in style and prose and am unable to critique your work, but I do enjoy poetry that makes me think. |
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