In the style of the late Mr. John Milton
Oh mighty stricken oak, once stalwart BROWN,
By sad Adversity and sour, malicious Fate
Beset, assailed by calumnious lies and jealous Hate,
And vile Traitors envious of thy Crown!
Amidst the wreckage of thy former Pride,
Of broken promises and shatter'd Might
Thou liest forlorn, a pitiable sight;
Thy vows forsworn, thine one-time Fame decried!
The laureate wreaths which once thy forehead crowned
Now dry and sere; the fickle plaudits of the crowd
No longer ring and, hark! Cries insolent and loud
Assault thine ears and accusations false abound!
Take heed! For grim assassins gather round
And whet their knives to fell thee to the ground!
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The /thee! Written by MattHews (45 comments posted) 4th September 2008 |
A pity about that! Spotted as soon as I looked again - alas, too late. |
editing is possible Written by fellpony (1821 comments posted) 4th September 2008 |
Editing is possible in your written works, MattHews - it's only the review section that is set in stone once you've submitted it. Use the left hand menu, "View my existing work", find the piece, edit, and re-save. Voila! I enjoyed the idea of apostrophising Brown in a historic fashion. "Thy ears" reads oddly, though - would it not pick up an "n" when spoken and become "thine ears"? Metrically mostly sound though some lines have too many syllables (eg 12, which has 12!). One of the nice things about writing in an archaic style is that you can twist the syntax round and it doesn't seem odd as it would in a more modern voice - thus your rhyming falls neatly into place. Another sonnetteer, eh? |
Fabulous! Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 4th September 2008 |
What can I say?! Astounded! I agree with fellpony's points above. And this is SO good! I am refreshed by it, after trawling through a lot of nondescript works of late . . . Thank goodness for you, Malcolm! And there's only a handful of people that I would ever say that to. Beers! John X |
Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 4th September 2008 |
I don't know much about British politics, but this was very funny. I feel a little sorry for your pm who seems to be the object of ridicule so often. Mia |
Fellpony - thanks for helpful comments Written by MattHews (45 comments posted) 5th September 2008 |
'the/thee' and 'thy/thine' corrected. However, the 12 syllable lines are Alexandrines, which I believe Milton indulged in,. although I'm a bit rusty. next to come up will be a Shakesperean parody of a. After that, I shall be away for two weeks. I look forward to renewed contact.
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Katanga and mia-ms-kim Written by MattHews (45 comments posted) 5th September 2008 |
Thanks, Guys - your comments much appreciated! Malcolm M. |
Written by Veronica_Milvus (794 comments posted) 5th September 2008 |
I did like this, especially the way BROWN appears in capitals, very much of its historical period! There's one line that seems to have too many syllables and that is the third line of the first stanza. I liked the third stanza very much, very cleverly written. Nice enjambment! Are you going to do any more of these? |
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