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Science Fiction and Fantasy
The prize
By Fledermaus
07 September 2008
Does this belong in scifi and fantasy or in the playroom?

" Look at yonder host dear..."

Whitehair did as her mother told her and beheld the men that were dragging their longboats onto the beach. They were fierce warriors, the mercenaries and vassals of her parents. From all over the wide Northern Sea they had come to aid them in their quest.

Some had helmets with horns or wings, others carried the skulls of their opponents around their belt and yet others walked around naked and growled like wild animals.

" Look at them, my daughter."

She saw there was blood on the faces of some and shivered, for she knew the stories of how the other tribes sacrificed their slaves instead of cattle.

 

The queen grabbed her shoulder and pointed at a tall man with one eye and a broken nose.

" That's king Bear from the Western Hill. He slew the king of Goldland and the champion of the Northeast. King Grey Eagle gave his sister in marriage to king Bear's brother, because he threatened to wipe out his entire people if he wouldn't."

Whitehair felt how her mother's grip forced her to turn.

" And that is king Wolf. He is a famous sailor, that raided the temples of the Western Island. He distributed the priestesses as slaves amongst his warriors. Oh, and there king Eagle. He burned down the whole of Elfland... Oh and king Boar. Do you see his necklace? It's made of the teeth of his enemies."

The queen laughed, but as Whitehair looked at her, her face became serious again.

" Have a good look at each of them and then tell me which one you want to marry."

" Tell you what?"

" Do you think they came here for nothing? They do enjoy fighting, but everything has its price."

" How could you do this!"

" How could I not? I've got treasure, they've got weapons and men."

" You should have asked me first."

" Don't be silly girl. What do you know about the business of kings and queens? Besides, with some luck you won't have to choose, as I heard the enemy is quite strong."

" What do you mean?"

" If they die they can't marry you. The last one to survive shall have you."

" I'm your daughter! Your own flesh and blood. I'm a princess."

" Exactly, my dear."

" Not some slave you can trade to anyone."

" To anyone? Anyone? Look at them girl. They are great warriors, each and every one of them. Everyone trembles in fear before their armies. They can drag any woman home they want, but they came here for you, not to take you, but to earn you. Any other woman would be pleased with so much honour. All those ships came here just because of you."

" Then send them back."

" Silly girl."

" They want your daughter, while all you want is king Fasthand's greyhound. You change your daughter for a dog..."

" Not just a dog, dear, and it's not so much the dog I want as well as vengeance. He stole it from me and I should make an example out of him."

" At what cost? I don't want to marry any of those... Those beasts."

" Say that again and I'll give you to the first of their soldiers to climb up this hill, no matter how lowly his descent."

" Fine. I'll make my own choices."

She shrugged off her mother's grip and mounted her horse.

" Whitehair! Get off that horse now!"

" Or what? You'll have me shot?"

" Where do you think you're going anyhow?"

" To king Fasthand."

" He'd kill you."

" So would you."

" You'll bring dishonour upon your whole tribe."

" Then so be it!"

And with that she spurred on her horse and rode away towards the realms of the enemy. 

Reviews
Hi Ron
Written by jean.day (2453 comments posted) 7th September 2008
This is typical of so much of your myth-history based writing - but at the moment, I don't think it sounds like Science fiction/ fantasy - and it worth more than being put in the playroom.  
 
I want to know what happens next.

Written by Fledermaus (3615 comments posted) 7th September 2008
Thanks Jean, 
Well probably. I thought that something set in a medieval world, yet not in the real one could be classified as fantasy ;)
Its fantasy, and that's a fact
Written by John_O (157 comments posted) 9th September 2008
Hi Maus 
I would classify this as fantasy, you could up its fantasy content by having the odd wizard or druid involved but you have already mentionned the 'E' word (Elfland) so its Fantasy. 
Certainly an interesting opening sequence, just another 1000 pages to go and you have an epic. 
John_O

Written by Fledermaus (3615 comments posted) 9th September 2008
Thanks John, but I think it might take a long time before I'll continue this. Of course it's heavily based on the strange way in which queen Medb offered Findabair to half of Ireland just because she wanted to steal a bull... Poor Findabair instead is said to have died of shame.

Written by ianhobsonuk (197 comments posted) 10th September 2008
The queen seems unqueenly, a little too star-struck, the way she raves about the other royalty, but otherwise a good story idea, worth developing. 
 
If you don’t mind some constructive criticism: I think it would help to have introduced the word ‘queen’ earlier, e.g. "Look at yonder host, dear," said the queen, as I was thrown by ‘The queen grabbed her shoulder…’ 
 
Also, king as a title/name should have a capital, e.g. King Bear. Plus, there must be a better way to say, ‘Whitehair felt how her mother's grip forced her to turn.’ 
 
Ian 
Guiseley, UK 

Written by Fledermaus (3615 comments posted) 12th September 2008
Thanks Ian. 
If I'll rewrite this I'll consider your advice... As for unqueenly queens: It seems they were quite normal in antiquity ;)
Where do you think you're going any how
Written by zee666 (73 comments posted) 27th September 2008
'Where do you think you're going anyhow?' completely destroys the medieval feel of the thing. 
All but that line is brilliant, though a bit rushed, slow the pacing down and things should be good.

Written by Fledermaus (3615 comments posted) 28th September 2008
Thanks Zee. If I'll rewrite this, I'll change that line. I can imagine it sounds a bit too much like a modern mum talking to her teenage daughter... I'll see how I can slow it down a bit.

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