READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 817 guests online and 1 member online
Poetry
Advice
By patterjack
10 September 2008
Something I was thinking about while waiting for the Black Hole to appear.

       
                     Advice

   You should simply make the best of it,
   said the doctor with a smile,
   then your life,  or at least  the rest of it  
   might be pleasant for quite a while.


   I suppose that could be what it's like
   If you eat a whole lot less
   and spend much time on an exercise bike
   and avoid all kinds of stress ,

   follow all sorts of restricting rules,
   avoid any marital strife,
   more easily tolerate any fools.
   But is that what you'd call a life?

   So I pedal away on that damned machine,
   and choose the healthier foods,
   trying to keep thoughts pure and clean,
   hoping that fate will deliver the goods,

   then I look around at the terrible mess
   that we're making of mother earth
   with Gaia unlikely ever to bless
   that she brought mankind to birth.
    
   So I am filled with pessimism
   and I reckon I'll still be caught
   in some approaching cataclysm
   that is sure to cut me sh

Reviews
Excellent!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 10th September 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed this - a great companion for Sue's 'Losing Wait'. 
 
By the 'Bkack Hole' I assume you mean the one in her doughnut? Ha! Ha! 
 
A very clever original last line cut sh! 
 
Small point - on reading aloud I stumbled over one line: 
 
'hoping that fate will deliver the goods' 
 
The 4, 3, 4, 3 rhythm sounds better to me without the redundant 'that'. 
 
Just a thought . . .  
 
Cheers! 
 
John
I don't read intros
Written by fellpony (1717 comments posted) 10th September 2008
since I consider poetry should not need one - and so I read the piece, laughed and was about to review saying "Well the particle accelerator hasn't - " but now I see you were before me! My work colleagues laughed too :)
Ah!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 10th September 2008
That black hole! I was mystifies by Sue's comment above until I saw today's paper . . .  
 
Jo
silly boy
Written by fellpony (1717 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Katanga, do try to keep up :)
Well Katanga
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 10th September 2008
I think the particle accelerator is rather in the shape of a doughnut -- but I was more concerned with the possible results of the experiment, at least in the last line . 
However there was a definite link in my mind with Sue's verse -- and an even stronger one in my domestic circumstances , wherein I have to avoid all the sweet things I love most . 
 
Re the scansion-- I just elide as I read aloud  
 
Thanks for the comment(S) 
 
patterjack 
 
Sue , you are basically to blame...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 10th September 2008
... as I remarked above. But the concern certainly extends there to the wider sphere 
Glad you laughed, and am pleased to have amused your colleagues as well. 
I guess I was at first being personally plaintive and then got carried away . Hence the gallows humour implied in the last line. 
 
Thanks for the review and the chance to pick up from your work's suggestion. 
 
patterjack 
 
 

Written by grace (173 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Hello Patterjack, 
 
I agree with every word of this, some of us take every precaution in our individual lives , compromising our enjoyment of life to some extent , while life around us becomes ever more delicate and fragile, beyond our personal control.  
 
Is it worth it? Who know's? With black hole machines, Global warming etc. we probably face the equivalent of 'being run over by a bus' as highlighted by the excellent ending to your po :)  
 
Maybe quality is better than quantity. . .who knows? 
 
Thank you for a great read, 
 
Pamx

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Made me laugh, Brian - seems we haven't met our end...yet. 
 
As for style of living - trying to live one way when you feel it natural to live another causes stresses in itself. 
 
Everything in moderation - including excess. 
 
Phil
Quality/quantity
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Always a problem , Grace-- especially for one like me who finds that ( at least in the way of food and drink food ) quality seems to equate with rich and irresistible succulence . 
It's a gourmet/gourmand situation too. 
 
Thanks for the review . 
 
patterjack
Excess in moderation
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Indeed Phil, were I only able to resist temptation ! 
 
Glad I made you grin-- but it is also a cri-de-coeur as well. 
 
Thanks for the review . 
 
patterjack
Pam!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 10th September 2008
Good review - I strongly believe that quality is better than quant 
 
H! H!  
 
Chee! 
 
Jo!
Phil!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 10th September 2008
I meet my end on a regular basis, though the appointments are a little haphazard . . .  
 
Sorry! 
 
Beers! 
 
John X

Written by mia_ms_kim (1057 comments posted) 11th September 2008
Humourous but thoughtful piece, pj. The line "But is that what you'd call a life?" sums it up for me. It will be interesting to see what we would change about our lives or what's left of it, if we believed the end is very near. I would be really interested in seeing what people refuse to spend their time on.  
 
Mia :roll
Change , Mia
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 11th September 2008
The ultimate change is indeed close at hand for me . But to change a way of life now is probably beyond my ingrained responses  
 
Yet it would be nice if the apparent fate of the world could be changed for the better -- for the sake of our children. 
 
Thanks for the review  
 
patterjack 
 
 
 

Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 13th September 2008
Take care of yourself, with this little rider 
Beware of the nasty Large Hadron Collider! 
 
Nicely done PJ and very topical. 
 
We all seem to still be here, unless this is in fact a parallel universe...
Topicality and parallels
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 13th September 2008
Thanks V , I do try to take care of myself , but at the same time I do find myself pretty much of a chore to look after.  
 
As a long time S F reader I have always been interested in parallel universes , worm holes et al. 
 
Must meet up with you in some of the infinite number that must exist . 
 
Thanks for the kindly review . 
 
patterjack
Inspired, Brian.
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 15th September 2008
And a closing line, literally, to die for. 
 
I believe that a girl in India committed suicide for fear of the experiment creating a black hole - where's the sense in that? If she thought we were all about to die why bother to rush it and go throught the pain? 
 
You have a wicked wit, Brian, I enjoyed this very much and can see myself returning to it many times. 
 
Cheers

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item