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Truly Beautiful!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 10th September 2008 |
So gentle and sad!
I keep re-reading this and am more moved and impressed each time . . .
Wonderful!
Cheers!
John |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 10th September 2008 |
Thank you so much John,
I'm touched by your kind comments,
bless you, Pamx |
Written by Gwynedd (85 comments posted) 10th September 2008 |
| It sways gently like the cornfloweres and the poppies. Gwyn |
Structure
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 10th September 2008 |
I found this interesting for its basic structure , though I personally do not like repeatedly short lines .
Some of them would strengthen if combined , in my opinion
But it is all a matter of taste after all.
patterjack |
Hmmm!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 10th September 2008 |
I see what you mean, Brian, but for me the short lines add something . . .
Somehow the short lines are more easily 'lost among the meadow flowers', adding a new dimension to the short length of the lines. The brevity of the lines also adds a powerful idea of transience for me.
I wouldn't put the lines together for this reason . . .
Just a tired thought!
Cheers!
John X |
Written by Robru (279 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
For me the short lines add impact to the overall strength of the poem. Longer lines would destroy that. That's my thoughts.
The poem itself is constructed very well and, has a gentle but sad story woven in. John said that and I agree.
Cheers
Bob |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
Thank you so much Gwyn, what a lovely comment, I'm soglad you enjoyed this. 
Patterjack: Thank you very much for your thoughtful comments. I used the short lines almost as light gusts of breeze with pauses in between, I was hoping it gave the poem a sympathetic rhythm. As you say, these opinions are often personal taste but I do thank you very much for your suggestion.
John: I very much appreciate your kind thoughts on this piece and its composition, highlighting as they do the variation in preference. Ihope you're well rested now.
Robru: Thank you so much for your generous comments on this, I'm pleased that the sadness has come through the words to you.
My appreciation to you all,
Pamx
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Light Gusts of Breeze
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
What a perfect way to describe your use of short lines, Pam.
I's kind of what I was trying to say above, but I could never have put it so poetically!
In admiration . . .
John |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
| Thank you so much Johnx |
Beautiful
Written by Josie (2945 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
| One simple word for such a delightful poem Pam: Beautiful. |
Written by 1211kellie (177 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
Yes, incredibly beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.
Kellie |
Written by briarcroft (38 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
masterful work. It transported me there and I could feel the breeze and the sway...
~briar |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
Josie,kellie and briarcroft,
thank you all so much for your thoughtful and most generous comments on this, I'm deeply grateful,
very sincerely,
Pamx |
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