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Another Beauty!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
You've brought tears to my eyes yet again, Pam!
Masterful, and so poignant . . . Magnificent!
Small points:
I don't think ' . . . 'guise . . . ' needs the apostrophe.
And I think 'loves' may need one?
i.e 'makes gentle love's bright song' also dropping the comma?
I like the slightly archaic syntax and assume you mean,
'makes love's bright song gentle'?
Sorry!
Really love all your work to date - such consistent high quality is rare indeed on GW, IMHO.
Cheers!
John X
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Written by grace (173 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
Please don't apologise John,
I'm extremely grateful for your help and overwhelmed by your kind thoughts on my poetry.
I was trying for a slightly archaic touch to the words and phrasing in line with the 'older' outlook on love.
Thank you again for your lovely words,
blessings, Pamx |
Written by Phil (7169 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
Smoothly done. Perhaps not my favourite style of poem, but tender and touching.
Phil |
Where is ...
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
... the accompaniment on the harmonium in the parlour ? 
Nostalgia Rules , O.K. ! in the Victorian Romantic sentiment .
Neat like a well worked sampler.
patterjack
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I find pj's . . .
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
. . . comment above extraordinarily patronising. . .
What on earth are you trying to do, Brian?!
How about a few more sestinas from you?
Can't you see a good poem in front of your eyes when it's there. even if it might not suit your particular taste??????
Fed up!
John X
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patronising ?
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
No-- merely carrying on the theme established already in Grace's own
trying for a slightly archaic touch to the words and phrasing in line with the 'older' outlook on love.
patterjack |
Okay . . .
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
. . . but I still don't see why you make a comment about a 'harmonium in the parlour' when we have a very fine poem here.
And your added 'Neat like a well worked sampler' sounds sarcastic to me, but I may well have misunderstood you, Brian.
If so, sincere apologies, but I love this poem . . .
If you don't like it, don't review it IMHO.
Sorry!
Beers!
John X |
Two Hearts
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
I just want to add that I love your economy of syntax:
'two hearts become the same' =
'two hearts [which have] become the same'
Brilliant poetic economy!
Cheers!
John XXX |
Phil!
Written by Katanga (1698 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
You say above:
"Smoothly done. Perhaps not my favourite style of poem, but tender and touching."
I can't imagine a more patronising remark.
Sorry, but this makes me cross - it's a f***ing good poem for all sorts of reasons that no one has commented on.
I could write an essay on this, had I but space enough and time, but I haven't.
But I will defend a good poem when I see one, and this is a case in point!
And no offence to Pam, if /when you see this!
It's just old farts arguing late in the evening!!!!!!
As others often say on this increasingly groggy site, "If you don't like it, don't review it!"
Why, Phil?
Beers!
John X
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Written by grace (173 comments posted) 11th September 2008 |
Good morning gentlemen. 
John, I'm extremely grateful for your kind defense of my poem and it's wonderful to know that you enjoyed it so much but I'm very happy to hear any negative thoughts that people may have, sometimes they're very helpful.
I haven't read any offence in the comments here and if there was, I'm afraid it fell on deaf ears and I must thank you, Phil and Patterjack, for your thoughts on this piece, I do see positives in both comments and even if there weren't, I know we can learn from well constructed criticism.
I don't feel patronised John but I do feel extremely lucky to have your support, thank you very much indeed,
very sincerely,
Pamx |
Written by Robru (279 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
I can see why you have so many comments on this poem. Would that it was me who wrote it. You have written just how Lis and I feel toward each other and life. We are in our twilight years so this is our poem. We claim its content, anyway.
Excellent writing.
Bob |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
Hello Bob,
thank you so very much for your kind comments, what a lovely compliment that you claim it for what is obviously, a precious relationship.
You will see that I have dedicated the poem to you and your dear wife, I hope you don't mind,
bless you both, Pamx |
Written by Phil (7169 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
Response via PM, John.
Grace,
Glad all is well. My comment meant what it said. There were positives in there - and admittedly a negative. Nothing wrong in that. It's only an opinion.
Phil
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Brilliant
Written by Josie (2945 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
| Oh Pam, this was one of the nicest poems I've read on this website and stands head and shoulders above many others. I loved everything about it, especially "may we in peace enjoy the love reflected in our eyes." You have an astonishing way with words, and your poems just flow along as if there has been no effort, but I know the effort it takes to get a poem like this. Congratulations on a wonderful piece of work enjoyed by so many on this website. |
Love's Evening
Written by TimCharigan (4 comments posted) 12th September 2008 |
Hi Pam - just read this and thought it beautiful. Such relaxed and effortless style - I can just imagine 2 of Shakespeare's characters happily reciting these lines and an audience being none the wiser. I also think it would be lovely set to some music, but don't say you compose music as well or I'm giving up!
Cheers, Tim |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
Hi Phil,
all is certainly well and I thank you again for your entire comment,
sincerely, Pamx |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
Hello Josie,
I'm completely overwhelmed by your kind comments.
I'm such an amateur and it's wonderful to think that something I wrote has given pleasure, I really am bowled over by your lovely words.
There is so much talent on this site and I'm just grateful to have been made welcome,
thank you again, more than I can say,
Pamx |
Written by grace (173 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
Hello Tim,
thank you more than I can say for your generous words, I'm so pleased you enjoyed the poem and no, I definitely don't compose music,
with much appreciation,
Pamx |
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