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By ReflectingGod
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12 September 2008 |
Why can't we all just get along?
If I am going to hate you, I'll hate you for you not the color of skin you have.
My friend is Black
She cuts her hand
I am White
I cut my hand
We bleed the same hue.
White power
Black power
This doesn't matter
Color of skin has no use
She bleeds like me.
They hate Jews
Yet their God is one
They hate Blacks
Even if they look the same
I bleed like her.
If you are Yellow
Cut your hand
If you are Purple
Cut your hand
We all bleed the same.
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Written by Amelia (36 comments posted) 13th September 2008 | | A well-worn subject, but that in no way detracts from its power. You use a simple metaphor to represent a complex issue, and it works very well. | There is . . .
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 13th September 2008 | . . . a power in the 'cutting' of the first two lines.
A strong image.
But ' We bleed the same Hue' ????
Why the capital 'H'?
Sorry, but if a short poem is going to work, for me it has to be glitch-free.
I love your ending.
Cheers!
John X
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Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 13th September 2008 | Hey RG,
I don't know if this works as a poem cause I know nothing about poetry, but I like it and think it would work really well as lyrics to a song.
Nick | Stronger than song
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 13th September 2008 |
Nick - I see what you mean, but I'm afraid I disagree.
These worda are too good, and too condensed to be song lyrics.
Only in my opinion, of course.
Do you play guitar?
Cheers!
John | Amelia-Nick-John...
Written by ReflectingGod (30 comments posted) 14th September 2008 | Amelia-Thank you very much, I was watching the history channel with my friend and there was something on the KKK and Hitler.
Nick-Thank you, It might but-I'll have to agree with John.
If you happen to make it into a song, would love to hear it!
John- Thank you so much john! I was kinda doubting that the poem wasn't as powerful enough as I wanted it to be.
I'll fix the 'H'. |
Written by Nick (163 comments posted) 15th September 2008 | RG/John - you guys are the poetry experts and it may work better as a simple and bold poem but (there's always a but) it could work very well as lyrics.
I'm not sure saying words are too good to be lyrics counts as an argument against there use but I know what your saying.
As for them being to condensed - a lot of songs have very few lyrics that just get repeated - a bad song will repeat them with no effect - a good song will repeat them to great affect.
When I read the poem - I was already working out what lines could be used as the verse and what for the chorus etc, only because I know nothing of poetry and more about lyrics.
I not really arguing with anyone here - I'm just bored at work!! HaHa.
Anyway RG - keep up the good work.
Nick | Nick
Written by ReflectingGod (30 comments posted) 15th September 2008 | Nick, I know what you mean...
After I finished this poem and was about to post it
It did kinda looked like lyrics for a song.
Sorry, I sounded like..I dunno.
Hahaa, I wished I was a poem expert!!
I'll write a song for you, some time soon~!!
Enma
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