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Poetry
Poem in a Pub
By Katanga
13 September 2008


Poem in a Pub

I write a furtive poem in this pub,
composing half-formed lines to pass the time.
While waiting for some half-baked fast-food grub,
I beg my muse to send me words that rhyme.
Behold! A heavenly body busies round,
delivering orders everywhere but here.
A punter makes a pass without a sound.
Each time her duties bring her, tempting, near,
he winks at her with lecherous vile intent.
He hopes she'll notice him and clearly see
in his eyes she's perfection, heaven-sent.
This punter is, of course, the loathsome me.
             My angel shimmers on, a female Jeeves,
             unseeing and uncaring how my old heart grieves.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 14th September 2008
This comes across as pretty sordid - but you do just about rescue it with your admission. 
 
Rest easy. I reckon all of us - men and women - appreciate beauty (which is in the eye of the beholder) when we stumble upon it. So long as we don't dribble and drool, it's probably okay. 
 
Phil

Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 14th September 2008
No wonder she isn't bringing your lunch, John, you are obviously drooling enough without it!
Sordid sonnet
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 15th September 2008
But very enjoyable.  
You do have to feel for the poor girl (I didn't mean it like that, Tolstoy). 
I particularly like '...a female Jeeves' 
 
Cheers

Written by Gwynedd (83 comments posted) 1st October 2008
I'm so sorry, Katanga. I don't know enough about poetry to critique but I can say that I absolutely love it! I feel myself in that pub, it's all so real, just like waiting for the muse is very real, as all writers know. Gwyn

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