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Written by grace (173 comments posted) 14th September 2008 |
Brilliant!
I love the way you've brought personality to the Fool. Usually mentioned but never commented upon except for his existence. Here you highlight his subjugation but also his frustration as a man, the passion and the hatred engendered by his position and you've done it with great skill,
excellent,
Pamx |
many thanks
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 14th September 2008 |
You have in this comment brought to my mind an aspect of the verse that I had not consciously considered.
I really appreciate that .
patterjack |
Incerdible writing
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
and incredible that this has not been reviewed as much as it deserves yet.
A sympathetic character piece that skillfully avoids falling into cheap sentimentality.
'His not the witty interplay of words
to comment on the vagaries of humankind.'
Those two lines paint such a vivid portrait of the protagonist. And the following stanza - 'No more than a lolloping body cruelly twisted...' - I thought the most perceptive and touching (also it contains your wonderful phrase 'perfumed popinjays' - 'popinjay' being a favourite word of mine that I was going to weave a verse about, until now, you xxxxxxx).
Loved this one.
Cheers |
reminiscent
Written by fellpony (1720 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
| of Gilbert's "merryman" in The Yeomen of the Guard, but this shows a rougher edge to the fool's desire [Gilbert's Jack Point at least started off engaged to his Elsie, and they were social equals.] Yes, being the butt of everybody's "jokes" can't have been easy. A fine piece of writing. |
Loved it
Written by Rioka (8 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
This poem is excellent; my favourite part is
'His not the witty interplay of words
to comment on the vagaries of humankind.'
but the most impressive thing is that it hangs together perfectly, not a line is wasted.
The only thing I'm not sure about is having both 'ungentle' and 'unthinking' in the same line, but maybe you like it that way?
-Rachel |
Rioka
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
I think that 'ungentle' and 'unthinking' in that line are paramount, as is the consonnance of 'kicks' and 'came' preceeding 'unthinKing.'
Masterful
Cheers |
ungentle /thinking
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
Thanks Rachel -- you picked a problem of my own-- I thought carefully about it , and decided that indeed it was what I wanted .
My excuse for retaining it -- ungentle is physical while unthinking refers to the mental , moral disregarding of another
Sufficient , I hope -- but thanks again
patterjack |
Hee hee Brett
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
So I pinched a favourite word of yours  -- well it has been one of mine for many years as well. As the poem rolled out , its use was almost inevitable .
I am surprised nobody caught the fairly blatant pun -- with its inverted idea of what the jester really was.
Cripples and dwarves as pets has been an offensive idea for me for a good many years -- as the pets were often very ill treated .
So I swung to the other extreme.
patterjack
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Moping mum
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
A Jack Point phrase that I have ever been fond of .
At least Gilbert got across a little of the feeling for the jester .
I was thinking more physically of the historical role -- despite the better treatment of such as Will Somers !
Thanks for the comment
patterjack
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As I said above , Brett
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 15th September 2008 |
... the poem simply rolled out -- I was not deliberately thinking of such techniques as consonance . Like Topsy , they just growed.
Thanks for making the point -- appreciated.
patterjack
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Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 21st September 2008 |
Coming late - just about all been said - so I'll just add my admiration.
Phil |
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