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By Emmuttmax
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15 September 2008 |
Good help is hard to find.
The Job Application
Holy cosmic cappuccinos, I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you, but my friend Jodi told me about your website and when I checked it out, I was all like totally transfixed and a kind of light glowed in my head, and I said, “Wow, man, I fucking get it.” I mean a talking dog; it’s just so cool and profound and sort of reaches the inner soul of planetary consciousness. I’m tuned, dude, I’m really tuned.
So Em, here’s what I’ve been thinking, you see I’ve been going to Grover Cleveland Community College working on my certificate as a certified dental hygiene assistant, but I’m not that into it ‘cause you havta stick your fingers in pretty gross mouths, but I’m just doing it so my mom will help me buy a car (like a used Prius, maybe) and then I can really help change the world. Anyway, like I said, I don’t like school all that much so I was wondering if I could like move to Texas and become your apprentice minion and help you serve the Great Canine Oracle Pathetic Bob. I have pretty cool hair, and I think I could keep Bob in a primo grooming condition, and I would only use salon-quality products. I’m a good learner and a people person and have excellent taste in music. I don’t eat much, and all I really need is a place to sleep, a few bucks, and lip-gloss. I don’t even mind cleaning up dog turds. When my little brother Kenny (the total dork) was a baby I changed his diapers so I got used that kind of thing.
I really think I could be a great asset to you and Bob in your quest to illuminate the world and stuff. All I’m asking is a chance to prove my minion worthiness. Please, please, please, please let me. I would even be willing to do you (not Bob) once in a while if you aren’t too old and don’t have bad teeth.
Sincerely,
Krissi, the sub-goddess of canines
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Written by Canadian_Bacon (123 comments posted) 15th September 2008 | Heh heh heh
Interesting perspective to take. You can still write Bob stories without including Bob directly, very nice. |
Written by BenC (11 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | | Nice. Great one. |
Written by chrismorton (116 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | Funny but I think this is rather more of a caricature than a character, if that makes any sense. It’s like, deliberately funny, as though the writer has created a voice and is then consciously poking fun at him rather than just letting him speak and having the humor come out naturally.
What’s the job for?
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Written by Asferthecat (876 comments posted) 17th September 2008 | | Very funny. I love your stuff. Let us know if a book ever comes out. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 18th September 2008 | I do like [and am slightly envious of] your sense of humour. It was so silly but also believable too. I think you captured a sense of character with the girl.
jane |
Written by Alexis.G (19 comments posted) 21st September 2008 | | Chuckles abound. |
Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 21st September 2008 | | What's Bob's opinion? I bet he prefers a bitch... Well written thing that indeed almost should belong in comedy rather than here. |
Written by coosh (1156 comments posted) 23rd September 2008 | | The voice is good, enough to make the nonsense half-plausible (if that makes sense), and certainly engaging. Please let us know how the interview went. |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 29th September 2008 | Enjoyed this and the ending was really laugh-out-load for me. Still giggling now. Just a character sketch in some ways - but very entertaining.
Anything that raises a laugh has to score top marks.
Top stuff.
Phil |
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