Tonight I leave the open land
and sea, to howl as do the wolves
at full and pallid moon,
in search of city dusk where concrete scars the
choking earth,
to lash offending streets and
punish calm.
Down thoroughfares of amber dereliction,
I'll snatch a branch from token tree to
litter asphalt straight with copper leaf.
No cragg shall spare a soul my
angry breath, no alley shield humanity
from me.
I whip around the curse
that progress built, detritus cast
to ground in temper's burst
and challenge those who dare
defy my power.
They lean into my strength
with tangled hair and tear-streaked
hope, defiance marks their step
in slow and weary march
but I prevail.
I rage and roar, I gust and
sometime twist to Odin's tune
till mercy calms my dance
and stills my breath,
I calm for but a heartbeat,
a sleeping ocean needs my
waking blast,
I gather strength.
|
Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | I like the language of this very much and enjoyed the metaphor. "snatch a branch from broken tree to litter asphalt straight with copper leaf. " sounded good and gives a strong image. If I could ask a question, how do you choose, in free verse, where to break the lines? Is it at the natural breath points or pauses, as if the poem is being read aloud? For example I would be interested to know why "in search of city dusk where concrete scars the choking earth, " was split down in that particular way you chose. thanks Vron
| Sounds like home!! Written by Northern-nana (47 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | I live facing the open sea and this poem describes the gales we experience here very well. It certainly rages, roars and gusts across my home. Very well described. Nana | Written by grace (173 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | Hello Vron, thank you very much indeed for your kind comments on this. I'm afraid I must disappoint you with my answer to your question. I'm sure you realise that I'm a long way from being an accomplished poet and 'free verse' is a complete experiment for me. I wanted to try something different and the line breaks were entirely intuitive, I'm only grateful that you seem to think they work, thank you for that. I really am pleased that you enjoyed the poem so very grateful for your thoughtful review, warmest wishes, Pamx | Written by grace (173 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | Hello nana, thank you so very much for your kind comments, it's good to know that someone with such vast experience of gales, thinks that this is authentic. I envy you your position overlooking the sea but I imagine it does get quite 'interesting' in the winter gales, thank you again, warmest wishes, Pam | Pam + Vron! Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | Pam - I REALLY love this. Why? Because so much 'poetry' uses worn-out images, usually the earth, the moon, the, sun, the stars, the wind, the, rain, the sea, the dawn, the dusk etc etc ad nauseam. Your piece here is the first I've seen where the poet takes on the persona of one of these cliched elements. Simply brilliant! Veronica - line breaks?! I have the same problem. You sing, me too! I think it's a question of reciting out loud - you get a feel for the natural pauses, and go with it. Sometimes they match the sentence structure / syntax. Sometimes not. But, hey, long live spontaneous delivery! Cheers! Much respect to you both, John X | Written by grace (173 comments posted) 16th September 2008 | Hello John, thank you very much indeed for your generous comments, you really are very kind. I thought it might be interesting to attempt the persona of the wind as something a little different, I'm delighted that you think it worked; line breaks too. with much appreciation, kind regards, Pamx | Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 17th September 2008 | There is something about this piece which has caused me to read it several times before reviewing, yet I don't know why I am so hesitant. I was going to ask the same question as Veronica and John (the line breaks) as I feel some sit very comfortably, others not so much (free verse not being my forte, this is just my humble opinion you understand). Some very enjoyable lines here, and your skill is evident. Cheers | Written by grace (173 comments posted) 17th September 2008 | Hello Brett, as a great admirer of your poetry, I'm very grateful for your generous review of this piece. I have changed one line break which I just noticed hadn't appeared as I intended but I don't pretend that makes the whole thing correct, as I have said, I only write on instinct. Above all, I'm delighted that you enjoyed the poem and encouraged, since it was an experiment, thank you so much for your considered comments, sincerely, Pamx |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |