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By GreenToes
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16 September 2008 |
I was bored out of my wits today and so I wrote this quickly. Care to share ideas on how to make it any better?
She sat in one corner dressed in wasted clothes. Her long hair wild, covering her face. She began to scratch the skin off the back of her hand. Gently at first as she remembered her mistakes then more aggresively as her vision intensified.
She clawed at the first layer, cursing the day she was born. She continued to the second, praying a day of redemption is near. She cut through the third, knowing flesh could easily heal, unlike an act or a word committed eternally imprinted. She raced to the fourth counting the things she knows she could never own
Until blood gushed out and reminded her of doom.
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Quite a nice sight, innit?|
Written by Mr_E_Writer (217 comments posted) 18th September 2008 | Hello Mr Green.
You said: Care to share ideas on how to make it any better?
Yes, you could look at your punctuation and perhaps make it longer so that we get some sense of a story.
Does that help?
Regards,
Eric.
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Written by GreenToes (3 comments posted) 20th September 2008 | Hello Eric,
It's Miss Green Miss 
Yes that was quite helpful actually.
It is rather pointless but I honestly wasn't putting too much effort into working on it. It sprung out and I simply wrote whatever came into mind. I tend to do that a lot; writing sketches or scenes instead of plots. I think I'm drawing a pattern here :/
Thanks again,
GT |
Written by Fledermaus (3490 comments posted) 21st September 2008 | | Still, a plot would be helpful. What caused this mood? "An act or a word committed"? At first I thought of a neurotic person, but it could also have been a killer. If you think you're drawing a pattern, you could try to connect it and you might have an interesting story. |
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