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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3567 comments posted) 18th September 2008 |
I feel quite swept away after reading this. It's such a powerful yet understated love poem and there is also a wicked irony there. I even laughed out loud at one point and continued to smile as I read the last couplet.
You have so eloquently [and elegantly too] expressed the reason why all the mainstream religions are so desperate to control sex and need to channel sexual desire into religious devotion.
A wicked little love poem with serious message, a neat trick young Brett
"(like Christ upon the cross I am complete)"
You're definitely going to hell, you do know that
jane |
Wild Bill
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 18th September 2008 |
I delight in the reference !!!!
I hate to think though that the Fates might be armed with pistols .
Enjoyed this, you wicked man -- but please keep away from saloons !
patterjack |
Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 19th September 2008 |
| Magnificently crafted; truly enviable in all respects, both in the ideas and the edifice itself. It's hard to pull of rhyming poetry that doesn't seem forced and twee these days, but you've gracefully huddled those obstacles here. |
Hooray for another holy hand grenade!
Written by Veronica_Milvus (751 comments posted) 19th September 2008 |
You have been quiet, Brett bach, and now we know why... 
I liked this very much. An intensely expressed tribute to a rather risky-sounding relationship.
I know you like proper critiques so here we go:
I might have said:
"solace than that OF my lover's arms?"
There was one line that I didn't really follow but I might be being very slow:
"whatever course or duty that were bound."
And in the last line there seemed to be too many syllables but I could not for the life of me think how to say it better.
I did like the idea of a castaway hearing siren songs. And of course, there had to be a crucifixion: "third door on the right, one cross each..."
And is the reference to faith and reason anything to do with recent posts on the non-fiction board? If so, excellent!
You have an inimitable style with the love poems.
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Your reviews are appreciated
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 19th September 2008 |
Jane - glad you liked this and appreciated the irony. As for going to hell, I don't think they'd have me. Thank you for your very kind comments.
Brian - pleased you like the reference to Mr. Hickock, and thanks for your concern - but I rarely go boozing in Deadwood!
Andy - not sure if I agree with all rhyme these days sounding forced - to me a lot of verse these days seems forced to appear so far from form (see the alliteration and the anagrams there?) as to hardly qualify as poetry at all. Thank you for your kind comments, though, much appreciated.
V - Quite right, I shall change 'in' to 'of' and thank you for your perception and correction. As for the line you did not follow - I still think it reads sense, let me know if you think different. As for the closing line - to me that was written (and I hope still reads) in pentametre, 'adulterers'
given three syllables therefore one natural stress, to stress the final '..rers' I think would have been forced.
Thanks for the rememberance of holy hand grenades and for such praise - always appreciated. "Crucifixion? Good..."
Cheers |
Written by marko2 (9 comments posted) 20th September 2008 |
| Well done, when I am writing I try to stay away from politics and religion, but you have worked it in there with style and intelligence. I am off to read some more of your posts. (You should try to get published if you aren't already -- I'd buy it !!!!) |
Nice one, Brett!
Written by Katanga (1515 comments posted) 20th September 2008 |
Much appreciated - and it's good to see how a tiny edit can 'tweak' a line / piece. (thanks, Vron).
Combining romantic love, carnal lust and religion is guaranteed to be a heady mix - I think you've pulled it off brilliantly!
Just a parallel thought . . .
.Derek & Clive -
"Little Flo"
[ from the album "(Live)" (1976) ]
DEREK:
(sings
Oh, dear Little Flo
I love you so
Especially in your nightie
When the moonlight flits
Across your tits
Oh, Jesus Christ almighty !
CLIVE:
Thank you, the Reverend Ike.
Cheers!
Tolstoy X
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Thankyou Marko2 and John
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 23rd September 2008 |
Marko2 - Appreciate the praise, but you have to be a genius to get formal verse published these days. Thanks.
Tolstsy - Thanks for your comments, and for the recognition of V's contribution (bless her). As for Derek and Clive, fun though some of it is, I always preferred them as plain Pete 'n' Dud ('Bloody Greta Garbo!')
Cheers |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 24th September 2008 |
Enjoyed this very much - and like Jane - had a smile on my face. The (almost) jarring mix of images worked really well.
Phil |
Thanks Phil
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 25th September 2008 |
Always appreciate your comments - glad it made you smile.
Get writing, you lazy bugger, we've had nothing from you for a while.
Cheers |
Brett
Written by penstroke (19 comments posted) 27th October 2008 |
I really like this mix of human passion and a obvious (and in my eyes deserved) rejection of religious control.
Could it be that when irreligious (is that a word ?) people celebrate their humanity, this is indeed prayer ? Does prayer have to be monopolised by the reigious ?
Enough of me, thanks for your poetic work. |
Thanks, again, penstroke
Written by Brett (987 comments posted) 27th October 2008 |
Irreligious is indeed a word, and one in which I wallow in with scented bubbles.
I agree that a prayer does not need to be uttered by the solely converted - I've muttered many a prayer, usually around closing time.
Cheers |
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