Great Writing - Home > Short S. > Plagued by Demons
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 355 guests online and 7 members online
Shorts
Plagued by Demons
By Snodlander
22 September 2008

The first chapter of a book what I wrote


Scarth was lying on Paul's desk when he returned home, staring intently at the telephone. He glanced up at his master's approach, then returned to staring at the phone.
"What are you doing?" asked Paul, with a sigh.

"Want it sing," said Scarth. "Make it sing, Master. Pleeeeease?"

Scarth's voice was a high-pitched whine at the best of times, but when he tried to be ingratiating it made Paul want to rip his own ears off.

"Sing?"

"Yes, make it sing." Scarth made a horrible screeching sound. It was a moment before the penny dropped.

"Oh, ring! No, it'll ring when it wants to."

"Sing!" shouted Scarth, and hit the telephone with its tiny fist.

"Oi, stop that. Get off my desk."

"Want it sing!" shouted Scarth in reply.

"I told you to ... oh, wait." Paul screwed his eyes up in an effort to remember. "By the seven scrolls of the Beast of Torment, I adjure thee to get the hell off my desk, you retarded little pixie."

Scarth slunk off the desk and stared at the phone sullenly.

"Do we have to go through that every time?" asked Paul. "Can't you just do what I say, and assume I said the 'I adjure thee' bit? Do I really have to say it every time?"

Scarth shrugged. "Rules," he said, in a manner that suggested it was more than his job was worth to break them.

Scarth was a disappointment. It had sounded so cool when he had read the passage in that ancient book. A demon to act as your own personal slave. How many level two support desk technicians could say they had their own demon? Paul envisioned a huge, fire-breathing beast with glowing red eyes and voice like a horror movie trailer. Not quite the Balrog from Lord of the Rings, but something close, something impressive. Instead, Scarth appeared in the outline of the sigil Paul had chalked on his bedroom floor.

Scarth was only huge if you considered a three-feet length of string with a couple of knots in it 'huge'. His voice sounded like a gremlin on helium. And he didn't breathe fire. He didn't do anything very impressive, not counting the ability to fart a single note for ninety seconds solid. Paul should have researched it a little more thoroughly before performing the summoning spell. If Scarth had been such a kick-ass demon, surely Paul would have heard of him. He should have held out for a succubus, but it was too late now. He was stuck with the pathetic creature.

At first Paul tried to make the best of a bad job. After all, Scarth was a demon slave, bound to obey Paul's every command (providing, of course, Paul prefaced it with the correct form of words). His first and overwhelming desire was what every young man wanted, but Scarth was not only incredibly stupid, but centuries behind the times. He hadn't even heard of an X-Box 360, let alone known how to get one.

Paul tried the second item on his wish list. He had pointed out the new office temp. "See her? That's Lauryn. Isn't she gorgeous? I want you to make her love me. I mean, by the seven scrolls of the Beast of Torment, I adjure thee to make Lauryn love me, okay?"

Scarth bounded over the desks and leapt into Lauryn's hair. As she screamed, the demon repeatedly slammed her head into the photocopier, shouting, "Love Master! Love Master!" To be fair, Scarth probably had little experience in the art of seduction and romance, but he seemed to have a percussive approach to everything he did. Even making a cup of coffee had resulted in broken crockery, a dented kettle, and the sort of mess it normally takes six college students an evening to make.

"Scarth, I need to talk to you. Are you listening?"

"Yes, Master," he replied, staring at the telephone.

"Oh for crying out loud, by the seven scrolls of the Beast of Torment already, I adjure thee to leave the flaming phone alone and concentrate on me, you stupid little imp."

"Yes, Master."

"You remember that talk we had yesterday?"

"Talk," repeated the demon.

"Yes, you remember?"

The demon slowly nodded his head, then said, "No."

"We talked about things you mustn't do."

"Mustn't do."

"Yes. Remember the things you mustn't do? What were they?"

"Mustn't make Lauryn love you."

"No, I said you mustn't hurt Lauryn."

"Mustn't hurt Lauryn."

"Yes. What else?"

"Mustn't eat letters."

"Yes."

The demon screwed his already wrinkled face up in an effort to remember.

"Mustn't eat singing box."

That had been quite impressive, Paul had to admit. Scarth bounced around the room when the ice-cream van sounded its chimes, then rocketed across the street, scared off the driver and ate the entire contents of the freezer. Paul had no idea where such a huge amount of ice-cream could go, but Scarth was still lying under the Mr Whippy nozzle, guzzling more gallons than logic dictated should be possible, when Paul had dragged him away.

"That's right. And?"

"Mustn't disobey Master," he said, with an air of finality.

"No, Scarth, there was something else. What was it?"

"Nothing else," he said, his gaze shifting around the room, at the desk, at the chair, at the ceiling. Everywhere, in fact, except Paul's eyes.

"Scarth! What else mustn't we do?"

"Don't know, Master," he said in a tiny voice.

"Do you want me to use the invocation, Scarth? Do you?"

Scarth looked at his taloned feet and sadly shook his head.

Out of the corner of his eye, Paul registered the flashing blue light in the street outside.

"What else mustn't we do, Scarth?"

Scarth mumbled something unintelligible.

"What?"

"Mustn't make sacrifice to Lord Roath of the Inner Circle of Pain, Destroyer of Peace, Crusher of Souls."

There were men in uniform walking down the pathway.

"That's right. So, tell me, where's Mrs Henderson who lives next door?"

The doorbell chimed.

"Ice cream!" screamed Scarth, the yell dopplering as he sprinted to the doorway.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 22nd September 2008
A really lively, and consistently funny, bit of storytelling. It required a fairly hefty leap of logic right at the start but as you spent most of the chapter reinforcing and establishing the supernatural situation we had time to adjust. It was mostly introduction and could have got a bit repetitious but the humour kept it fresh and kept our interest. For me the best jokes were the demon's misunderstanding Paul's wishes 
I found this line particularly funny:- 
"but he seemed to have a percussive approach to everything" 
Not sure why but it seemed to sum up their relationship and jumped out as a great line. And as he doesn't seem to draw the line at murder either things could get even livelier. 
I got the odd flashback to "Ghostbusters" while reading. I think it was the ice-cream guzzling scene. 
Really intrigued to see where this is going. Wondered what you had been up to on the quiet, snoddy.  
cheers 
jane

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 22nd September 2008
Hilarious. I loved it. Paul got his punishment for summoning a demon. I grinned all the way through. I loved the way he tried to get Lauryn to love him - no supernatural powers there then.

Written by Asferthecat (859 comments posted) 22nd September 2008
I've just noticed the intro. Is this a book? Is it on Lulu? I'd love to read more.

Written by tomhonnor (14 comments posted) 23rd September 2008
Very funny. Classic use of the frustrated master and inept servant/slave scenario. As has been said above this acts very much as an introduction, quite keen to see how you would extend this into an entire novel, please post some more chapters if there are any.  
 
One tiny criticism, a few uses of colloquialisms from the narrator- 'cool' and 'kick-ass' and the like, when you do this you talk very directly at one cross section of people, not everyone uses language like this, so it could come across as quite childish. Great story though. 

Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 24th September 2008
That's why one shouldn't play around with the occult :P I must say that at first it sounded like a handy pet, but I suppose that Paul would by now rather send it back to where it came from. He reminded me a bit of those Elfs in Harry Potter.

Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 30th September 2008
Good to see you, Bob. 
 
I enjoyed this. The tone was consistent throughout - which I reckon is difficult in 'far out' pieces like this.  
 
I also liked the line Jane picked out: 
but he seemed to have a percussive approach to everything 
 
I'd like to see more. 
 
Phil

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item