Chapter one – The Beginning

Katie sat outside in the car and watched the shadows that passed in front of the blinds of the office where her husband worked.  It was hard to tell if it was a woman with him or if it really was a late meeting.  As the two people came together in silhouette and embraced Katie at last knew.  There were no tears, no self pitying thoughts.  Just a feeling of disappointment and at the same time, relief.

She’d even stopped lying to them.  Now when they asked where he was she told them she didn’t know and she didn’t know when he would be home either.  Katie swallowed the ball of guilt that rose in her throat at the thought of the destruction of her children’s innocence being laid out by her own hand.  But why should she protect a man that thought nothing of leaving them for a virtual stranger on a regular basis?  A stranger probably not much older than them.  It was a sad thing for them to have to grow up knowing but Ian had made his bed and she would make damn sure he lay in it alone.

She parked the car in front of the little church on the other side of town and unfolded her tall and slender frame from the drivers seat.  The woman at the school had invited her to this place for some kind of all woman support group.  It’s for mothers who struggle to make friends with the other mums at the school gates she’d said.  It made sense for Katie to be there.  If there was one thing she missed more than a doting husband it was female companionship.

The lights in the hall were bright and harsh and Katie regretted wearing the white trouser suit.  The smallest mark was bound to show under these spotlights.  There were already two women there, Nadine, the group leader who had given Katie the details and another woman who was putting out chairs in a circle.

“Are we expecting many?”  Katie asked.

“Ah Katie, so glad you could make it!”  Nadine stepped towards her and laid a hand on her arm.  “No not many at all unfortunately but that could work to our advantage.  It might be easier to open up to fewer people.  Now come and meet Susie.  She’s the organiser of this whole thing!”

Well she had to have something to do, Susie thought.  And she was good at organising things.  Parties and holidays and the household chores.  It was why she had spent many years as someone or others personal assistant.  Until recently when she had given birth to the twins and been told that her space at the company no longer existed.

Susie looked up as the shadow of the two women fell over her.

“Hello” she said and smiled, taking in Katie in her white power suit that reeked designer label.  Katie held out her hand and Susie shook it, noticing the perfectly manicured fingers as Katie introduced herself.

“So you’re a bad mother too then?”  Susie asked.

“I beg your pardon?”  Katie was taken aback by the question.  A bad mother?  What on earth was this woman trying to say?

“Well that’s why you’re here isn’t it?  This is the Bad Mothers Support Group.”  She waited patiently for Katie to reply, glancing up at her from under heavy lashes and a full fringe.  She was amused at the expression on Katie’s face.

“Perhaps I’ve made a mistake,”  Katie stuttered and turned for the door, stopping instantly at the sound of Susie laughing.

“Let me explain.”  Susie said and offered Katie a biscuit.

“But why would you call it that?  I almost cried when my health visitor suggested I join a group for bad mothers.  I’ve been expecting the social services to turn up on the doorstep all this week!”  Eyes big and wide Grace leaned forward in her chair.  Susie laughed again at them all.

“O.k let me put it like this.  Who here believes themselves to be a good mother?  Who here doesn’t worry constantly about what they do affecting their children in a negative way?”  All the women raised their hands.  “It’s not about being a bad mother, just a mother that doesn’t haven’t the confidence in themselves to make the right decisions.”

“Or any decisions at all!”  Piped up Maylene.

“Exactly!” exclaimed Susie.

Rebecca watched the conversation bat back and forth like she was watching a tennis match but felt disinclined to join in.  What if she said something stupid and they all laughed at her?  What if she opened her mouth to speak and nothing came out and everyone just sat there staring at her, waiting?  She should have stayed at home.  She tried to pay attention as Nadine stood up and started taking over the proceedings.  Pens and paper were passed around the circle one way, another plate of biscuits going in the opposite direction.

“O.k ladies I want you to write down how you heard about this group, what you would like to discuss in future meetings and what you would like to gain from being here.  It’s just to give me an idea of what to talk about.  These are completely anonymous by the way so go crazy!”  Nadine laughed at her own witty remark.  Rebecca didn’t like her.  There was something a bit…fake, about her.  She had a hard face and her eyes didn’t sparkle when she talked like the other women.