Chapter two – Home Sweet Home

Katie

Katie’s mother in law handed her a glass of wine as she perched on a stool at the breakfast bar in her enormous fitted kitchen.  She half listened as Maggie reeled of a list of activities that the children had done that evening and told her how good they had been.

“And they swung from the chandeliers in the hallway playing jungle men.”

“How nice.”  Katie’s reply was automatic and it was a full minute before she realised what Maggie had said.  “They did what?!” 

Maggie chuckled.  Her poor daughter in law had been miles away, probably thinking about that no good husband of hers.  Despite the fact that Ian was her son she still wanted to throttle him for what he put Katie and the children through.  She had begged Katie to leave him, to pack his bags and get the locks changed, even just to teach him a lesson for a little while, though Maggie knew adultery was addictive and a weak man like Ian could never give it up.

“He hasn’t rung.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s o.k, I hadn’t expected him to.  I don’t understand Maggie.  If he doesn’t love me and he doesn’t want to spend time with the kids then why doesn’t he just go off with one of them?”

The question had puzzled Katie for years, ever since she realised that she was going to let it happen and not say a word about it.  Maggie daren’t tell that she knew why.  Maggie knew that there was no ‘them’ – only ‘her’. Sometimes she felt as if she were betraying Katie more than Ian was.

It was the morning after the group, a Monday morning, that the flowers came.  Katie considered shredding them and sending them to his office.  It wouldn’t be the first time this had been done.  No, her new idea was to spend hours picking off the thorns and then sprinkling them into Ian’s underwear drawer.  It was a lot of work for a measly bit of revenge but it would be worth it.  She smiled as she imagined him walking around the office, scratching for all he was worth.  Petty but satisfying.  She supposed she should make up the spare room if he was coming home.  There was no way he was going to get those grubby little hands of his on her again.

But of course, he did.  What annoyed her most about it was that she never put up a fight.  He would come to her, kiss her and touch and she would go weak at the knees for him.  She wanted him to do it.  She needed him to touch her so that she knew she was still his and he was still hers because despite all the other women he always came home to her, his wife.  It was the only way to keep him.  Putting him on sex rations would just send him away again quicker.

Ian took the day off. They took the children to school together, stopping only quickly to chat to Nadine.  It was funny how she had never bothered with Katie before and now they were getting on like old friends.  Maybe she should ring her, arrange to meet for a coffee.  Maybe she could ring one of the other girls.  Susie seemed like fun, and Maylene came across as really friendly.  Katie wasn’t sure about the other two.  They were so young and made her feel so old!  Perhaps they would be better pairing off together and leaving the more mature ladies to it!

“What are you thinking about?”  Ian asked as he drove them home.  He patted her thigh and then began to caress it.  She blushed slightly and let out a little school girl giggle.

“Ian!  Can’t you wait until we get home?”  She chided.  “I was just thinking about how old I am.”

“Old!  You silly girl, you’re not even 40 yet.  Blimey, that’s not that far away is it?  Best get a move on with your party ay love.  Old!  I’m old, I’m 50 next year!”

And you don’t look a day over 35 she thought.  He was even more handsome then when they first met.  It didn’t seem fair to Katie that men aged better then women.  Ian looked more and more distinguished with every birthday, his thick chestnut hair only just starting to grey at the temples made him look like a real gentleman and his face was still tanned from their last holiday.  His body was broad and hard but it was his eyes that got her every time.  They were such a dark brown, the colour of dark chocolate and Katie loved dark chocolate.

Maylene

Maylene had been shocked by the phone call.  Meet for coffee?  Well yes, of course, she’d love to.  Oh God, I hope I didn’t sound too eager, she thought.  Over eager equalled desperate to upper class people like Katie.  Maylene knew this for a fact.  She was full of facts like this.  Maylene worried about what to wear.  She worried about a lot of things but mostly about what other people thought of her.  It had been a long time since she had met up with girl friends for just a coffee.  How did you go about these things now?  Was there a certain etiquette, for example, was it a major faux par to turn up early?  And what was the dress code?  Would they look down on her if she wore jeans and trainers?  Not that she ever did, oh gosh no.

If only they were meeting in a months time!  Maylene could have gone on one of her crash diets.  What would she order at the coffee shop?  Tea, coffee, a latte or something?  Was it o.k to order food?  Oh dear.  Maylene wondered if it wasn’t just a better idea to ring Katie back and tell her that something had come up and she couldn’t make it. 

Just as she reached for the handset it rang again.  The conversation was quick and urgent.  All Maylene could think was ‘not again’ as she headed towards her eldest son’s school.  They wouldn’t take much more of this she knew.  It wouldn’t be long before he was expelled and then what would they all do?  Shane would go mental and it was bound to disrupt Jacob, which was all she needed!  And then she would probably have to take more time off work and then she’d be sacked and they’d be even more worse off then they were already!

Her face flushed with shame as she made the long walk down the corridor to the headmasters office.  Outside Liam slouched in a chair, his bag and clothes covered in mud, his shirt torn and his face a mish mash of colours.

“Mum, it-!”

“Don’t even look at me.”  She whispered harshly to him and knocked on the door of the office.

“Suspended?”  Her husband, Shane spat the word out as if it were a curse.  Liam had expected them both to loose it with him but they hadn’t.  His mum had told him to go to his room and stay there and hadn’t bothered him since.  Now his Dad was home and they were all sat around the kitchen table, his Mum helping Jacob to feed himself.

“I’ll ring Katie in a minute, explain what’s happened.”  Maylene tried very hard not to imagine what all the other mothers would say at the school or at the group.  Or what anyone else would think about this.  She felt like a complete failure.

“No May.  I think Liam is old enough to be left a lone for a few hours during the day.  Don’t go cancelling your plans.  It might make him feel special.  In fact, I’ll make him a list of jobs he can do to keep himself busy and to help you out.”

It had carried on like that all night, them speaking as if he wasn’t there.  Sometimes he thought he was invisible.  They only ever talked to him when he was in trouble, which was a lot lately.  That kid today though, he deserved it, calling his brother a spastic.  Like they fucking knew anything!  That’s why he’d lamped him and he’d do it again tomorrow if he had to.  Maybe his Mum would have got it if she’d asked instead of just blaming him for it all anyway.  Liam passed his parents room and heard his mum crying.  He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help pausing to listen.

“It’s not your fault love, he’s just a young lad, growing up.  They all go through it I’m sure.”

“I know I just wish that I could make it all stop for him.  Why’s he so angry and aggressive Shane?  It must be me, something I’ve done.  And I’m so tired, I can’t sleep, I have it all buzzing around in my head all night!”

“Why don’t you ask the doctor for some more of those tablets?  And don’t worry about Jacob, his teachers and his doctor will be able to deal with his behaviour.”

Liam felt like crying himself.

Grace

Grace pondered on how long it took to build a belief.  At seventeen she had an amazingly strong belief in God.  Not the God of the church that her parents made her go to but her own God, one that understood her and forgave the mistakes she made when she said that she was sorry.  Grace also believed it when her parents said that she was useless and a constant disappointment.  Well hadn’t she proved them right every time?  Getting drunk, smoking, failing her exams – oh and getting pregnant.  But recently Grace had started to wonder if she let them down because they had made her believe that she always would.

She could hear her daughter crying down the hall.  It made her breasts hurt still.  She crossed the room and tried the door handle but it was still locked.  In distress she banged her fists against the wood and cried desperately but no one came.  On her knees she sobbed and she prayed although a part her thought that maybe they were right.  Maybe she wasn’t fit to be a mother.  She would probably only let her daughter down like she did everyone else.

Something woke Grace in the middle of the night.  A scratching noise, at the window.  She tiptoed to it feeling like an actress in a horror film who was about to draw back the curtain and reveal a dead body hanging outside or something.  Instead she saw only the hair, eyes and nose of her boyfriend Chris, although this alone nearly had her screaming out.  She clamped a hand over her mouth and opened the window, Chris ducking to avoid being knocked off his foothold.

“What are you doing here?!  My Dad’ll kill me if he sees you!”

“I had to make sure you were o.k.  No-ones seen or heard from you since you had the baby.  What’s going on Grace?”

It took all her might to stop him from breaking down the bedroom door or dragging her out the window after she had explained to him that her parents had taken Carmel from her the moment she was born.

“It’s fucking sick in the head Grace!  They can’t do this!”  He looked at her face and tried to reign in his anger.  Holding her tight against his chest he rocked her as she cried.

“They won’t let me go until I repent my sins.  I can’t Chris, I won’t because we haven’t done anything wrong!”  He was reminded of why he loved her.  Because no matter what anyone said or did to her she would stand for what she believed in, right until the very end.

“We know that baby but your parents, they don’t understand.  Just do what you’ve got to do to get Carmel back and then we’ll get away from here.  Just us, a little family, I promise.  Can you do that for us Grace?”  She nodded and he kissed her softly on the lips.

By the time the sun had come up Chris had gone.  Grace dressed with great care and sat on the edge of the bed.  She wrote a note for her parents, posted it under the door and prayed that someone would get it.  Where could they go, she thought, when they ran away?  She imagined all the places that she would love to disappear too although most of them involved passports and a lot of money.  What would happen to them she panicked?  They’d end up living in some grotty council flat in some dirty city, both out of work and struggling.  That wasn’t the life she wanted, for herself or for her daughter.  No, this was going to take some major working out.

Rebecca

Rebecca sat on the sofa and pretended to read the magazine though the only person she was trying to fool was herself.  What she was really doing was waiting for the post man to turn up.  There used to be a time, she remembered when letters had arrived before lunchtime.  Anxiety crept up on her and she felt the familiar tightness in her chest.  What if nothing came today?!  What if he’d forgotten her and just didn’t want to talk to her anymore?!  Rebecca stood up and the magazine slipped from her lap onto the floor.  Breathe she told herself.  In, out, in, out, nice and deep, that’s better.

This was getting ridiculous.  Panic attacks over the post.  She reached for her diary and made a note of the time and date and what had happened.  And why.  Not that it made any difference as she refused all drugs and counselling.  She didn’t want to really but accepting any help almost always meant leaving the house and Rebecca struggled more and more with that every day.  And it would mean talking to authority figures and trying to explain herself.  She worried that they would take Angel from her.  She’d already lost Jack, she couldn’t lose their baby too.  It might just kill her.

No instead her diary was collected weekly by her health visitor, Linda, who was nice enough to do home visits especially for Rebecca, and was delivered to her doctor at the surgery who wrote down advice and tips for Rebecca.  Rebecca liked Linda.  She didn’t wear a uniform or speak in official terms.  In fact she reminded her of her mum, kind of maternal and caring.

Three things then happened simultaneously.  Rebecca’s phoned beeped as a text message came through, the post dropped onto the mat and Angel woke up.  Rebecca wasn’t very good at coping with lots of things at the same time but she was good at knowing that Angel was the most important thing in the world and she lifted her from the travel cot in the living room and cuddled her.  Bouncing the smiling baby on her hip Rebecca went into the hall and collected up the post, her heart pounding all the faster when she spotted the blue envelope.

Rebecca set Angel down on the floor to crawl around.  She smiled as the baby pulled herself up on the sofa dribbling and gurgling away.  It was time for lunch and Rebecca tore into the letter as she heated Angel’s food in the microwave.

Rebecca could have jumped for joy!  He was coming home!  Her Jack was coming home!  No, she realised as the microwave beeped.  Not Jack, but Adam, his old sergeant.  Jack would never come home.

Susie

Susie stood in the doorway and surveyed the kitchen with some satisfaction.  It was immaculate!  She’d hand washed the floors, reorganised the cupboards, defrosted the freezer and even washed down the paintwork.  And it was only one in the afternoon!  Now what was she supposed to do?  Every room in the house had been redecorated since she’d had the boys. She just got so bored!  It wasn’t that having children didn’t challenge her but she was used to being busy that staying at home just wasn’t enough for her.  She needed to go back to work, she mused although considering mentioning the idea to her husband terrified her as the last time she had brought it up he had thought she was mad and taken her to the doctor who had told her she was suffering from post natal depression.  Honestly, just because she could cope with it all, just because she wanted more from her life then being a housewife and stay at home mum!  Even in this day and age men were still so sexist and old fashioned!

It had put a bit of a strain on their relationship. If only because Susie had never imagined that Anthony could be like that.  He had always been supportive and open minded but once the twins had been born he had been off on a mission to change the world.  Susie just dreamed about changing her own.  She was glad that she had set up the group.  And she was looking forward to meeting them all for a coffee later on.  At least that would fill and hour or two.

With great joy Susie dropped the children off at the crèche where her husband worked.  It was supposed to be used for the people that worked there but on the odd occasion they would take the boys off her hands for an hour or two, when she wanted to go shopping or was on a course of some sort. That was the handy thing of having a husband that had worked for the same company for years.  She knew the staff and could ask these favours.

The coffee shop was quiet, it being late afternoon and everything.  Susie noted that she was the first to arrive and this pleased her.  She was running ahead of her own schedule – perfect!