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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5082 comments posted) 26th September 2008 |
What a great title.
I quite like some blues, but the problem I have with most of it is the lyrics are often pretty banal and clichéd if removed from the music. This had all the characteristics of a blues, but it is coherent and has some literary worth as stand alone lyrics.
Do you know any musicians who could put it to music?
A worthy exercise.
jane |
A musical friend...
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 26th September 2008 |
... commented that it didn't read all that easily and that Cloven Visions might suit a choral question / answer sort of musical arrangement .
I am non-musical-- i just fiddle with words
Thanks for the comment -- I try ,even if I do not always succeed -- to avoid banality . So that was a nice compliment .
patterjack
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Written by Brett (2419 comments posted) 26th September 2008 |
Like this, Brian. Love that closing couplet!
Regarding Jane's suggestion I would say this could be put to music quite easily, I was not thinking of 12 or 8 bar blues, but more along the styles of the Classic Blues singers (who of course did 12 bar also) such as Bessie Smith, more that popular song style of the 20s and 30s.
Enjoyed.
Cheers |
your best for a while!
Written by Veronica_Milvus (1147 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
A very original work and with such fabulous rhymes. I liked collar / dollar / squalor and also pursues / unglues.
Somebody who thinks the world is unravelling about his very ears!
The rhythm of this had something of the merry-go-round about it. Rather dizzying. |
thank you Veronica
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
I had the feeling , after seeing it put onsite , that there might have been a smidgin of Dorothy Parker in it.
If so ,though , I can't think of a better stylist in this field .
I appreciate your comments very much indeed
patterjack |
thank you Veronica
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
I had the feeling , after seeing it put onsite , that there might have been a smidgin of Dorothy Parker in it.
If so ,though , I can't think of a better stylist in this field .
I appreciate your comments very much indeed
patterjack |
thank you Veronica
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
I had the feeling , after seeing it put onsite , that there might have been a smidgin of Dorothy Parker in it.
If so ,though , I can't think of a better stylist in this field .
I appreciate your comments very much indeed
patterjack |
thank you Veronica
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
I had the feeling , after seeing it put onsite , that there might have been a smidgin of Dorothy Parker in it.
If so ,though , I can't think of a better stylist in this field .
I appreciate your comments very much indeed
patterjack |
whee
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
wasn!t that enthusiastic !!!!!!!!!!
patterjack |
Written by Phil (8764 comments posted) 27th September 2008 |
Like this. Glad Veronica commented on the rhymes. Different for you, in that they were much more obvious, less subtle - but they were enjoyable in themselves. I hope that makes sense.
Phil |
Written by KaydieKate (75 comments posted) 28th September 2008 |
This rhymes so well, and it flows so well it's musical. Beauiful.
Katie |
Musical
Written by patterjack (1938 comments posted) 28th September 2008 |
I hope so -- though I was not trying too hard for a musical effect. A happy accident it seems !
And thank you for this review .
patterjack |
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