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By Emmuttmax
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26 September 2008 |
Be careful, when autumn is knocking on the door, your wrists hurt, your cat died, and the northbound train is on the southbound line, you might end up writing crap like this.
Carmen Dumps Eli
Eli raised his arms, threw his head back, and yelled into the sultry, summer night, “I’m in hell!”
“Actually, you’re not in hell, you’re in my backyard,” said Carmen. “Now sit the hell down Eli, you’re making an ass of yourself.”
Eli complied, and Carmen reached into the ice chest next to her lawn chair and pulled out a chilled wine cooler. “Here Eli, drink another cooler.”
As Eli reached for the peach-flavored wine, Carmen’s foot rose swiftly, the toe of her Doc Marten’s catching him on his chin, breaking his front tooth and sending him reeling backwards until he and the lawn chair he was sitting in landed in a mound of hours-old dachshund dung.
“Asshole,” Carmen remarked, “you didn’t tell me you were an existentialist. If I’d known that, I would have never slept with you. “
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Written by Ranes (18 comments posted) 29th September 2008 | Hey....thid ain't half bad. Only neg I ewould give is the "Csrmen remsrked...." on the second last line. It just seems wrong...it is hsrdly just a remark; it is the msin thrust of the story. Use something stronger.
Hope you are over your cat traumas now.
RANES |
Written by Phil (6997 comments posted) 29th September 2008 | Sorry about the cat.
If I was bluntly honest, I'd say it was far from your best - but hey - just an opinion. Autumn can do funny things to a person.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3506 comments posted) 29th September 2008 | | Huh? How did she make that up? Aren't existentialists those funny people that think that when they're alive, they only exist and that once they're dead they're (or rather were) the sum of their deeds or something? Not quite an useful philosophy I'd say, but it makes nice French literature... Sartre, Camus... |
Written by Emmuttmax (203 comments posted) 29th September 2008 | | Thanks for the comments. As I stated in the intro, this is most assuredly piece of crap. However, I must say that sometimes, pushing out a piece of crap relieves some of the pressure. |
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