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Shorts
First Date
By Alexis.G
30 September 2008
Just a bit of light fun. No need to take it seriously kiddies. My only excuse is that I just wanted to write a short piece that wasn't just angst, angst, angst with a bit of angst as a side serving. Tense is probably all over the place, oh well.

On their first date, he takes her to the local fish and ship shop. A foul stench settles like a blanket throughout the entire one-level, ramshackle shack, the smell a mixture of all-purpose cleaner and what she swears must be piss emanating from the flimsy plastic chairs and tacky drapes.

 

Larissa doesn’t mind, no fetid odor could distract her from her knight in blue overalls, currently seated smiling pleasantly despite their dilapidated surroundings. He’s handsome, in a rough sort of way. Looking at his strong jaw, she thinks he might have made a fine sculpture once.

 

She stares intently at him all night, seeing the chips life has knocked from the plaster, but isn’t saddened by her discoveries. Because blank sculptures are exactly that; blank. Everything about Brian is colourful, from his language to his skin lightly tanned from hours spent working outdoors.

 

He’s zesty and although he’s never traveled further than Queensland, he’s gravely concerned about the death toll from the latest typhoon to hit a country thousands of kilometres away. She sees him trail off, and knows that the pain of helplessness is far greater to him than the scar he proudly displayed. Thirteen stitches, he crowed, flexing the white and purple skin of his callused right hand. She frowned, and he shrugged his shoulders bashfully.

 

And as their eyes met over the grey paper made transparent by grease, Larissa suspects she might be on the fast track to love. 

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3590 comments posted) 1st October 2008
I liked this, it had it's own style and voice. I thought it was original in what it revealed about the characters. You felt you knew them and yet you didn't. Having said I liked the style I'm not sure how long you could sustain it without it starting to flag a bit. It might not, but it is a bit heavy on "telling" and that can get a bit "clunky"-What was there was fine, though 
Interesting effort 
jane

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